babylonbee.com
'I Am Ready To Take Up Arms In Another Crusade,' Says Man Who Has Carpal Tunnel From Playing 'Elden Ring'
KANSAS CITY, MO — Global socio-political tensions climbed yet another step higher and civilization took one more step toward open war, as a local man pledged himself to do whatever may be necessary to defeat the existential threat posed by the enemies of Christendom.