The command to “honor your father and mother” receives a prominent place in the Bible. It’s not only in God’s “top 10”; it’s also repeated multiple times throughout Scripture. Paul associates the failure to keep the command with principal characteristics of unbelief (alongside murder and maliciousness, Rom. 1:28–32). Jesus reminds us this command is punishable by death (Matt. 15:4). While parents, of course, place a high value on this imperative (it’s purely coincidental that I asked my kids to proofread this article), our society doesn’t value it as keenly as the Bible does. How, then, should we understand its centrality in a biblical ethic? According to Scripture, honoring our parents is just the beginning because this relationship is the foundation of all our relationships. Fifth Commandment The command to honor one’s father and mother is listed fifth in the Ten Commandments, one of the keys that solves the riddle. These laws are divided into two tables; the first four commandments concern our duties to God (Ex. 20:3–11), the latter six our duties to one another (vv. 12–17), explaining why Jesus’s “love God and love neighbor” is so apt a summation. Under this accounting, the command to honor father and mother is the head of the second list, just like the command to worship God is of the first list. Both have a summarizing or archetypal function. They’re the master concepts from which the other commandments derive. That means “Honor your father and mother” is about more than just honoring your father and mother. It’s about giving honor wherever it’s due, and the family is the first and most important school in which we learn this life skill. This command is the foundation and cornerstone of social order. Happy, fruitful, and righteous relationships, first in the home and then in broader society, require the proper showing of honor. The family is the first and most important school in which we learn the skill of giving honor. Consider, for example, 1 Peter 2:13–3:12. This “household code” instructs us about various relationships, including our relationship to the government, to a servant or master, to a husband or wife, and to a fellow believer. It’s a challenging and controversial passage, but it centers on this key ethical principle: “Honor everyone” (2:17). Only God is worthy of your fear, but everyone is worthy of your honor. This is demonstrated differently depending on the relationship, and in what follows, Peter gives practical instruction for typical social relations. But the command to honor is at the heart of the Bible’s social ethic, both inside and outside the church. God calls us to give everyone the honor he or she is due: generally, since our neighbor is also a child of God, and specifically, as appropriate to the relationship we have with that person. Defining Honor What does it mean to “honor?” Peter tells us that as well. It means to “bless” (3:9). Honor is more than simple obedience. Obedience may be involved, but honor is a larger concept and might, at times, involve (respectful) disobedience. In the biblical world, it’s impossible to talk about honor without talking about relational inequality. Our relationships are part of a social hierarchy; there are people in our lives who are our “superiors,” others who are peers, and still others who are our “inferiors.” This seems controversial because our society (rightly!) values social equality and universal human worth. No one is more or less important than anyone else, and therefore no individual should have more inalienable rights or privileges than any other. That’s a good and true and biblical principle (but it wasn’t a Roman or Greek principle); our social ethic begins with equality: “You are all sons of God” (Gal. 3:36; see 3:13–4:7). Yet overlaying this equality are the social relationships we have with one another, and sometimes those relationships are “uneven.” Parents are “superior” to children, not because God loves them more or because they’re more valuable to society but because in the present ordering of creation, children are to obey, submit to, learn from, and generally “be under” their parents—not the other way around. The same pattern holds at work, in government, and in the rhythm of daily life. The imbalance in those relationships can shift as we move in and out of various social spheres. At the store today with my teenage daughter, I overheard an older store clerk address her as “Ma’am” while asking if she needed help. It took me by surprise, not least because outside that store the younger would be the “inferior” and the term “Ma’am” wouldn’t be appropriate. In the store, however, my adult-looking daughter (they grow up so fast!) was the “superior,” and the store clerk rightly offered her the same quality of service as anyone else. This is important because we show honor differently depending on whether it’s being shown “up” or “down” or “across.” “Honor everyone” means that whether you’re upstream or downstream in the social hierarchy, you’re obligated to show honor. But sometimes honor will express itself in obedience, other times in acts of service and sacrifice, and still others in praise or social deference. Honor will also differ depending on whether or not the one being honored is godly or ungodly. While the command to honor is never rescinded, when authorities are ungodly, honor might express itself as civil disobedience, or calls for repentance, or appeals to a higher authority. Questions 122 to 130 of the Westminster Larger Catechism provide a detailed, practical analysis of these duties both for “inferiors” and “superiors.” It’s a program for societal righteousness like none other, and I can’t recommend it enough. Showing honor is complex because our relationships are so varied, but in every relationship, there’s a way of demonstrably honoring the other. Peter’s word “bless” captures all this. Whether honor is being shown “up,” “down,” or “across,” the goal is to bless. Are you a blessing in your relationships? Be a Blessing Since our relationship with our parents shifts and changes over time, this social sphere is the perfect archetype for demonstrating honor in other relationships. When we’re children, we show honor primarily through our obedience, and our parents show honor to us children by training us up in the Lord (Eph. 6:4). As we grow up, obedience gives way to respect, and honor operates by looking to our parents for wisdom and receiving it humbly even when we might disagree. In adulthood, honor means calling our parents more often than we do and engaging with them as trusted friends and mentors. As our parents age, our acts of service and sacrifice will become more imporant. Whether honor is being shown ‘up,’ ‘down,’ or ‘across,’ the goal is to bless. At each point, the general commandment is the same: to honor by being a blessing. How wonderful is God’s wisdom! What we learn in and with our families, this first social network, God has made the ground and anchor of all the complex relationships that sustain us and equip us and guide us to glory. “Honor everyone”—here’s a prescription for social change and worldwide redemption.