Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way.Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy.Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.1. Me: What did you do at school today?\n\n5-year-old: Learned about dragons.\n\nMe: Your class learned about dragons?\n\n5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1524164098 2. 5-year-old: *stares off into space*\n\nMe: What's wrong?\n\n5: What happens if a kangaroo jumps on a trampoline?\n\nMe: *stares off into space, too* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512655067 3. 5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup?\n\nMe: To look pretty.\n\n5: But she's already pretty.\n\nMe: Aww.\n\n5: Dad, you should wear makeup. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1434719335 4. 3-year-old: Do boys like Frozen?\n\n5-year-old: Nobody cares what boys like. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522195727 5. 5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars\n\nMe: That\u2019d wreck the economy\n\n5: I just-\n\nMe: Go to your room until you understand inflation — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1441628973 6. 5-year-old daughter: I think a boy likes me. He drew me a dinosaur.\n\nMe: That could mean anything.\n\n5: The dinosaur had a hat.\n\nOh shit. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1435237545 7. [watching a guy on TV do CPR]\n\n5-year-old daughter: Why is he kissing her?\n\nMe: He's not. He's saving her life.\n\n5: I'd rather die. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1458752016 8. Me: Who ate all the cookies?\n\n5-year-old: Ninjas.\n\nMe: I didn\u2019t see them.\n\n5-year-old: No one ever does.\n\nCheckmate. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1433627847 9. 5 y.o.: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?\n\nMe: I helped\n\n5: How?\n\nMe:\n\n5:\n\nMe: I read her the instructions — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1446746149 10. Me: You can't like Kylo Ren. He killed his dad.\n\n5-year-old: Maybe he deserved it.\n\nI'm never sleeping again. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1460388284 11. Me: What happened on the coffee table?\n\n5-year-old daughter: Elsa killed all the stormtroopers.pic.twitter.com/36hCfd1z5s — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1432591871 12.13. 5-year-old: I'm writing a book.\n\nMe: What's it called?\n\n5: I Ate Too Many Cupcakes.\n\nMe: Oh.\n\n5: It's just pretend because you can never eat too many cupcakes. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523975066 14. 5-year-old: *eats a cupcake for breakfast*\n\nMe: Cupcakes aren't a breakfast food.\n\n5: I know. They're an all-day food. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523364754 15. Me: It snowed last night.\n\n5-year-old: *flops on the floor* We already did winter. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523279528 16. Me: You're still in your pajamas.\n\n5-year-old: I'll get dressed soon.\n\nMe: It's 4 in the afternoon.\n\n5: Don't rush me. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523131531 17. [spring break]\n\n5-year-old: When do we have to go back to school?\n\nMe: Monday.\n\n5: *slides me a penny* When now? — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522870699 18. Me: Wake up. Time to get dressed.\n\n5-year-old: Not again. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522158012 19. 5-year-old: *won't get out of bed*\n\nMe: I don't want to fight you every morning.\n\n5: Then let me win. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522847748 20. Me: Why are you being mean?\n\n5-year-old: I ran out of nice.\n\nIt's going to be a long night. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522786515 21. [lightning strike super close to our house]\n\n5-year-old: Missed me. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522762976 22. 5-year-old: Can we have pizza?\n\nMe: We just had pizza yesterday.\n\n5: The pizza doesn't know that. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522096312 23. Me: Hurry.\n\n5-year-old: I am.\n\nMe: You're still in bed.\n\n5: I'm sleeping faster. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521811809 24. 5-year-old: Leprechauns are fairies.\n\nMe: They are?\n\n5: I thought you went to college. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521326336 25. 5-year-old: Do I have to change my name if I get married?\n\nMe: Only if you want to.\n\n5: Call me Shredder. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521585950 His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.26. Me: *gets burned by bacon grease* Ow!\n\n7-year-old: Love hurts. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512230800 27. Me: What are you doing?\n\n7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.\n\nMe: There aren't any presents under the tree.\n\n7: I know.\n\nPassive aggressive level 9000. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511896968 28. 3-year-old: *holds up a baby doll* What's her name?\n\nMe: She doesn't have one. You can name her.\n\n3: *kissing baby* I love you, Stupid Face.\n\nShe'll make a great mother. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511877311 29. 7-year-old: I'm glad I'm not a boy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: I like being smart. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512136729 30. 3-year-old: Mommy married you.\n\nMe: Yeah.\n\n3: Why?\n\nWife: Nobody knows. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522527335 31. 2-year-old: *touches my beard* It's soft like a kitty.\n\nMe: You mean rugged and manly.\n\n2: Purrrr. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1493775467 32. 4-year-old: What happens when you die?\n\nMe: You go to heaven.\n\n4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff? — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1412245842 33. 4-year-old: Why do you go to work?\n\nMe: They pay me a salary.\n\n4-year-old:\n\nMe:\n\n4-year-old: I don\u2019t even like celery. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1425155143 34. 3-year-old daughter: Will I have a baby in my belly someday?\n\nMe: If you want to.\n\n3: No thanks. That's where I put my candy. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1459859421 35. 7-year-old: Why do we have to dress up?\n\nMe: It's Easter.\n\n7: Jesus just wore robes. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522592817 36. Me: Do you know why they call it Good Friday?\n\n7-year-old: There's no school. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522427812 37. 7-year-old: Why does my teacher keep testing what I know?\n\nMe: What should she do?\n\n7: Trust me. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522246883 38. 7-year-old: You should let me eat more candy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: Then you won't eat it.\n\nShe's my new diet plan. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522092561 This article originally appeared on 7.27.21