www.thegospelcoalition.org
Why Male Friendships Are Growing in America’s Most Average Town
In the most average town in America, something unusual is happening.
Waupun, Wisconsin, got its name from a misspelling of the Ojibwe word “Waubun” that nobody corrected. It’s been easy to overlook ever since.
The 2020 census counted its population at about 11,000, which was the size of the average American town that year. Around 80 percent of Waupun’s residents were white and Hispanic and about 13 percent were African American—nearly the same as the national numbers. Most had graduated from high school (85 percent vs. a 91 percent national average), lived in a married household (44 percent vs. 46 percent nationally), and earned a median household income of about $66,000 (compared with $68,000 nationally).
And just like the rest of the country, Waupun was wrestling with lower levels of both religiosity and male friendship.
So five years ago, a handful of men in a Bible study decided to try something new.
“We were frustrated because we saw non-Christians looking at the church and being like Why do I want to be part of that? Christians can’t get along together,” said Mike Vander Berg, one of the organizers. “Unity was the primary focus of the first conference we put together.”
On a Saturday in 2019, about 45 men from the Waupun area gathered to work through a six-week Bible study in one day.
The first One Waupun gathering in May 2019 / Courtesy of One Waupun
“We ended the day with all of the guys in one big circle, shoulder to shoulder, with our arms around each other, praying,” Vander Berg said. “Then we came up with some things we could do.”
Over the past five years, several hundred Christian men from local churches have studied the Bible, worked on lawns and house projects for the elderly, built a garage, served weekly meals at the food pantry, constructed shelves for the library, grown friendships, shared their faith, and hosted annual conferences. The last one drew about 150 men from nearly 30 churches in 18 communities—some from more than an hour away.
The fruit is so tangible that the speaker from their 2024 conference, Dordt University dean of chapel Aaron Baart, went home and asked his church how they could start something similar in their town.
The Gospel Coalition asked Vander Berg—now the president of One Waupun—how this got started, how it grew, and what he likes best about it.
Tell me about the Bible study this grew out of. Was it through your church?
No, it was six or seven friends I met through our Christian school community. I knew they were serious about their faith, so I reached out to them to see if we could study God’s Word together. We met on a weekly basis to read a chapter, pray, and talk about the things the Spirit had put on our hearts. Here’s what I learned from that: Every single part of the Bible points to Jesus. Every single one.
Another thing that struck us was the need to move from one-day-a-week Christians to 24/7 Christians. We talked about what it meant to be a Christian in our daily life of work, family, and taking kids to basketball games. I think when you get to be in your 40s and 50s, you start recognizing God working in your life in a different way. We had a desire to be his hands and feet in any way we could.
We met for four or five years until it morphed into what we’re doing with One Waupun.
Why did your Bible study decide to hold a weekend conference? That seems like an odd move.
One Waupun’s 2024 weekend conference / Courtesy of One Waupun
I remember thinking one night about what this could become. It just seems like guys crave Christian fellowship with other guys—that oneness and authenticity. I wondered how we could provide that. I brought it up at the next Bible study meeting and three or four of the others said they had been thinking the same thing. So we thought we should take it seriously.
From our Bible study, we’d recognized that our churches needed to be unified to be a witness to non-Christians. We found a video Bible study about football and unity and decided to invite men from the town to do the whole thing with us in eight hours.
That first time, we pulled in guys from about five churches, most of them Reformed in nature like ours was. At the end of the day, we left time to pray together and brainstorm what this meant for Waupun. We came up with some things we could do.
Your team has done a lot in the last five years. But it didn’t start this busy, did it?
No. We began with some small group Bible studies on topics churches don’t always cover—very practical things, such as discipleship, evangelism, and anxiety.
A Saturday connections breakfast / Courtesy of One Waupun
Then we added connections breakfasts. The guys love that. They show up at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday, and the minute they walk in the door four or five guys are asking them how they’re doing, how their month has been. Then they grab some pancakes or French toast and sit down to talk. We watch a video message, talk about it, and spend some time in prayer.
We get around 20 guys a month. There’s been someone new at every one. We never do a series, because I don’t want guys to feel like if they have to miss one then they shouldn’t come at all.
At the first conference, we also recognized that not everybody gravitates to that environment. Some men love to worship God and be the hands and feet of Jesus by doing rather than by sitting and talking.
What did you do for them?
We prayed about it, and then added a serve component—as soon as we did, they stepped up.
To find work, we approached the city council. They said one of the most overlooked populations in our community is the elderly. So we reached out to the senior center and the food pantry here in town. When those leaders receive requests, they screen them. If it’s a good fit, they email me.
Several One Waupun men helped Michael clear out brush from his yard / Courtesy of One Waupun
I used to be in software development, so I created an app database that holds volunteers, recipients, and projects. I have a guy who will go to the potential project site to see what is needed for resources and expenses. He reports back to me.
Then I put the project in the database and contact our pool of volunteers via email. Women can volunteer too—we had a blind lady ask for someone to come once a week and read to her. The women gravitated to that.
Some of the projects we’ve done are landscaping and lawn care, small home repairs, or helping with setting up a new computer. We used to do transportation, but that was too difficult because people would call and say, “Can you bring me to a doctor’s appointment in two hours?” We needed more advance warning than that.
We also used to help people move, but they had us going 30 miles to get stuff and bring it to town. So we restricted it to moving in and out of places in our town.
As our ministry continues to grow, it is clear that we need to find a dedicated serve coordinator. We have been in prayer over the past few months that God will provide the right man.
How do you interact with the local church?
We are a parachurch organization. We are completely set up and run by lay people. We don’t try to undermine the local church but to strengthen it. The pastors in our town love it, because we are coming alongside the men to make a difference. They’re noticing it.
For example, during COVID we did an online Bible study called Downline Discipleship. Afterward, the guys went back to their churches and wanted to do something. In the Evangelical Free Church, they set up a churchwide discipleship program on campuses in four different towns. My church started life groups, prayer partners, and a mentorship program.
If I were to give advice to people who might want to do this in another community, it’s to make sure you don’t alienate the churches. Work with the pastors.
Does this cost money? How do you finance this?
We haven’t asked for much money, but I get checks on a regular basis from individuals and churches who believe in what we are doing. We actually had to ask our donors to pause their gifts for a while, because we have too much.
Have you seen God at work?
Last month we started organizing a branch of the food pantry in our town. Every Friday we provide a meal for people—primarily low-income folks. We sit down with them, get to know their names, and hear their stories.
Ready for the Friday meal / Courtesy of One Waupun
One of the questions we get asked is “Why are you doing this?” We love to use that to lead into sharing our faith.
We see this primarily as an evangelistic organization. We seek out the lost—that’s very much a passion of ours. And we’ve been able to minister to a handful of seekers or new believers. I remember moving one guy who was becoming homeless. We brought his stuff to a storage unit and then we took him out to eat and talked about what was next.
But God isn’t just reaching the lost. Over and over, so many initiatives come back to making a difference in the lives of guys in the church, helping them grow in their faith. I love that too.
Recently we started a mentoring program. We’re trying to find men in our community who are struggling and pair them up with someone. We put it out there—including on signs at the food pantry and coasters at the local bar. Already, several new relationships have formed as a result.
What’s your favorite part of One Waupun?
Beginning after that first conference, I love to walk down the street and see guys I didn’t know before, but now I know they are Christians. I stop and talk to men all over Waupun, and it is so much fun.
Sometimes at the Saturday breakfasts, I just want to sit back and watch. It’s cool to see someone who is 22 sitting and talking with someone who is 72. The men have gotten so close and are caring well for each other.
If someone else wanted to start this in his town, what advice would you have for him?
Lead with prayer. So often we go to prayer when all else fails, but I’m big on leading with prayer.
Create a core group of a few other guys—they’re not as hard to find as you might think. People crave this kind of community—at least, that’s what I’m seeing here. And I’m always open to talking on the phone or seeing how we could help.
It will be slow going—I am finding that out over and over. There’s so much to do, but it is such a joy. If you honestly seek out God’s will, and he puts something in front of you and leads you through the process—there is nothing better.
Odysee
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