Well, America — or whoever the hell I’m talking to — the day of decision is rapidly drawing near, so it’s time we set partisanship aside and took a clear-eyed, objective look at our choices. Are we going to give our vote to an orange-colored demagogue whose reckless rhetoric reveals a tyrannical disregard for American freedoms? Or will we go with Donald Trump? (And okay, that question might have confused you because of the reference to being orange. But — I mean, look at her!) The important thing is: as the purely surly hurly-burly whirly-swirly of election day draws near, it’s much too easy to sink into closed-minded bias like an explorer sinking into quicksand until there’s nothing left on the surface but a pith helmet and a half-finished hand-drawn map of some obscure Nile tributary rumored to have its source in a fountain of eternal youth where shapely native girls lie naked on the shore just waiting for a virile white man they would gladly service with their ancient arts of pleasure if those pale-faced morons didn’t keep drowning in quicksand as if it were the closed-minded bias that it’s much too easy to sink into as the purely surly hurly-burly of election day draws near. But we mustn’t get carried away by our emotions or our endlessly elaborate and essentially meaningless quicksand metaphors, and should instead try to ensure that our final decision results from making a careful examination of policies and character until we develop a wholly dispassionate and unprejudiced overview of just how badly Kamala Harris sucks. So we should be open to searching out some of the positive things about Kamala. Like… we’re not married to her. We don’t have to listen to that laugh day after day until we start having dreams that we’re locked in a closet with the Joker from the Saturday morning Batman cartoons and then wake up with our hands around her throat for the third time that week and begin to understand that our subconscious is trying to tell us something. WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show Also, in a Kamala Harris administration, America could return to the days when a man who was willing to work hard could finally make enough money to pay off the college debts of some harridan who majored in feminist rage and now spends her time making TikTok videos denouncing the patriarchy from the front seat of the car she bought with the money from the man who was willing to work hard like a schmuck. And as for Donald Trump, yes, he’d probably bring down prices and avoid World War III, but think of all the terrible things he’s said in all those news media reports of terrible things he never said. Do you want to spend four more years raging at things the news media says he said that he never said when you could be kicking back without a care in the world enjoying all the benefits of inflation and World War III? Then there’s the fact that Kamala Harris is going to make sure that billionaires pay their fair share of the money she’s going to give you for voting for her. Donald Trump, meanwhile, plans to dynamite the deep state until all that’s left is flaming rubble and a collection of screaming bureaucrats scattering in every direction like panicked ants trying to escape a spray can of Raid. Sure, that would be hilarious, but without bureaucrats, where could we turn when we wanted to be bullied by idiots? And now the news media has shocked us all by comparing Donald Trump to Hitler like they always do. And yes, they’re lying, but that’s no reason not to believe them. If you’re going to stop believing the news media just because they lie, you’d have to walk around not believing them all the time, and it would be as if David Muir was just sitting there with his mouth moving and no sound coming out. And okay, that would be great. But that’s no reason to vote for Trump. Or at least it’s only one reason. So America, put your prejudices aside and choose wisely. Because while these are two candidates who are both orange in their own way, only one of them has worked for McDonald’s while Kamala Harris sucks. * * * This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.” Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “A WOMAN UNDERGROUND,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

The Israel Defense Forces (IDF) targeted Iranian military bases around the country’s capital city of Tehran during the early morning hours on Saturday, according to Israeli and Iranian media. Israel had said in a statement that it was “conducting precise strikes on military targets in Iran.” Fars news agency, which is linked to the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps (IRGC), confirmed the news, claiming that several military bases in the west and southwest of Tehran were targeted in the airstrikes. Israel gave the U.S. at least six hours of advance notice of the strikes, according to a report in The Wall Street Journal. The airstrikes appear to have hit multiple locations throughout Tehran, including the eastern, western, and southern parts of the city, according to The New York Times. MATT WALSH’S ‘AM I RACIST?’ COMING TO DAILYWIRE+ OCT. 28 In the east, there are military bases and secretive military sites, and in the west is the headquarters for the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC), the report said. The Times added that explosions also were happening near Imam Khomeini international airport, which is in the southern part of the city. A huge fire is seen in a video sent to @IranIntl_En by a citizen in Eslamshahr, southwestern Tehran during the Israeli airstrikes. pic.twitter.com/8ECLWbxUwZ — Iran International English (@IranIntl_En) October 26, 2024 The Times said residents also reported hearing explosions in Isfahan, hundreds of miles south of Tehran; Mashhad, hundreds of miles east of Tehran; and Kurdistan Province, a couple hundred miles west of Tehran. An Israeli official said that they were not targeting Iranian oil or nuclear facilities. “We’re targeting things that might have threatened us in the past or could do in the future,” the official said. The strikes come in response to the Islamic regime firing approximately 180 ballistic missiles into Israel at the start of the month, which sent the entire country running for bomb shelters. Current and former Israeli officials had said for weeks that the country’s response to Iran would include a significant military response that would be deadly. Flight trackers showed the airspace over Iran was wide open around the time that Israel began its strikes. Open-source live airline maps appeared to show almost no civilian aircraft in the skies between Israel and Tehran as the Jewish state confirmed it had begun air strikes. pic.twitter.com/Vv3UXwwpV9 — Iran International English (@IranIntl_En) October 26, 2024

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Two new energy enterprises in the Port of Brownsville were on the cusp of ushering in a new era of business and industry for the region. Together, they would bring in billions of dollars in investment, provide major infrastructure improvements, and create thousands of jobs.And they would lead to a domino effect of benefits for the community, such as the $30 million Texas A&M training facility that broke ground at the port this year.This is not governmental cooperation through agency and legal means. It’s obstructionist.Both projects received the green light in the federal permitting process, and one had even begun construction.But then everything came to a screeching halt at the whim of a court in Washington, D.C.For the sake of the people of South Texas, this unprecedented move — tossing out preapproved permits, including one for a facility that is already under construction — needs to be challenged.The Rio Grande LNG terminal, projected to be one of the world's largest liquified natural gas export projects, would cost an estimated $18 billion. It is expected to generate 5,000 construction jobs, over 400 permanent positions, and potentially another 3,000 indirect jobs in the local community.Meanwhile, Texas LNG was finalizing its investment plans to start construction. This project, too, was set to invest billions and create thousands of jobs throughout its construction phase.The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission had approved permits for both projects. The companies went above and beyond to comply with environmental regulations, even incorporating a carbon capture and storage facility to reduce emissions. Ironically, the court cited these environmental efforts as the reason to revoke their permits. In response, both projects have now abandoned their carbon capture efforts to comply with the court’s demands.As Charles McConnell, a former official in the Environmental Protection Agency under the Obama administration, wrote, “This is not governmental cooperation through agency and legal means. It’s obstructionist.”U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has urged FERC to appeal a court decision that halted the construction of two major liquefied natural gas terminals. Cruz’s letter to the FERC chairman stressed the need for regulatory clarity to ensure that legal disruptions do not discourage investors from backing future projects that could position America as the world’s leading energy producer.“If project developers come to believe that federal permits can be overturned due to procedural missteps by the regulator, apart from any actions or fault by the developers, U.S. infrastructure projects will slow and stall,” Cruz wrote.But for the people of South Texas, this outlandish reversal is a lot more personal. We need more industry and business to help our region flourish. The projects were expanding business access to South Texas significantly. Rio Grande LNG was already in the process of making the channel another 10 feet deeper to make the Port of Brownsville accessible to more ships. With the federal court ruling, all that progress will come to an end — and with it, a golden opportunity to turn South Texas into a hub of prosperity.It’s easy to get lost in the legal jargon of the permitting process and lawsuits. But what FERC and the courts do has real-world implications for everyone in South Texas. More industry leads to more jobs, and more jobs lead to more opportunities, which in turn would create more opportunities for South Texans to escape poverty.The new LNG developments could set the region up for success in decades to come — but not if bureaucratic obstructionists continue to stand in the way.

The unrest in the Middle East escalated on Friday after Israel issued retaliatory strikes against Iran over a barrage of missile strikes against Israeli citizens on Oct. 1. 'Like every other sovereign country in the world, the State of Israel has the right and the duty to respond.' Those strikes were in response to a beeper bomb attack Israel orchestrated against Hezbollah terrorists in Lebanon north of Israel. That field of war opened up as Israel continues a military operation in the Gaza Strip against Hamas terrorists, who brutally slaughtered more than a thousand people in Israel on Oct. 7. "In response to months of continuous attacks from the regime in Iran against the State of Israel – right now the Israel Defense Forces is conducting precise strikes on military targets in Iran," read a statement from the Israeli Defense Forces. "The regime in Iran and its proxies in the region have been relentlessly attacking Israel since October 7th – on seven fronts – including direct attacks from Iranian soil," the statement continued. "Like every other sovereign country in the world, the State of Israel has the right and the duty to respond. Our defensive and offensive capabilities are fully mobilized."Reuters reported that strikes were heard in Tehran, the capital of Iran, and in Karaj. "The regime is vulnerable, and it's up to us to decide which message we want to send to them," said Israeli Ambassador to the UN Danny Danon to Fox News last week. "It will be very painful for the Iranian regime, and they will think twice in the future whether to attack Israel or not." Israel has also racked up eliminations of Hamas leaders, one after the next, as fast as the terror group has tried to replace them. This is a developing story and may be updated with additional information. Like Blaze News? Bypass the censors, sign up for our newsletters, and get stories like this direct to your inbox. Sign up here!

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