Unless we were in therapy to deal with an emotionally abusive relationship, most of us weren't familiar with the term "gaslighting" until the past decade. Now, it's everywhere, and there always seems to be someone talking to people and gaslighting them. In fact, it's used so much that in 2022, it was named a word of the year by the dictionary giant Merriam-Webster."Gaslighting" has become a common part of our vocabulary—unfortunately, it also comes with some common misunderstandings. Merriam-Webster currently defines gaslighting as “the act or practice of grossly misleading someone, especially for one’s own advantage,” but that definition merely reflects how the clinical term has been broadened and oversimplified. As psychologists explain, specific factors make a behavior gaslighting instead of disagreeing, correcting, or trying to persuade someone that they're right.Where the term "gaslighting" comes fromThe word "gaslighting" is derived from a 1938 play called "Gas Light," which was subsequently adapted as the film "Gaslight" in 1944. In that story, a young woman's new husband—who had, unbeknownst to her, murdered her aunt 10 years prior—tries to make her think she's losing her mind. He manipulates her environment (for instance, by repeatedly dimming the gas lights) but denies that anything odd is happening, making her question her reality. His deception was deliberate—he hoped to drive her mad so he could institutionalize her and steal a cache of jewels that were hidden in her aunt's house. That storyline, the husband's tactics and the reason for them provide helpful context for what gaslighting is and isn't. What is "gaslighting"? Psychology Today defines gaslighting as "an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth."Robin Stern, Ph.D., wrote the 2007 book "The Gaslight Effect," which helped popularize the term that she says is now losing its meaning. "People often tell me that someone gaslighted them when, in fact, what they are describing is mere disagreement," she writes in Psychology Today. Here's how she describes it:"Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person’s psychological manipulation causes another person to question their reality. Gaslighting can happen between two people in any relationship. A gaslighter preserves his or her sense of self and power over the gaslightee, who adopts the gaslighter’s version of reality over their own."Ahona Guha D.Psych offers a definition that includes some key factors:"Gaslighting is a pattern of behaviour, usually intentional, designed to make someone question their own reality, memories, or experiences. The lesson is simple: When identifying gaslighting, look for a pattern (i.e., one time is not enough), and for behaviour that seems intentional or malicious (think 'No, you are over-reacting because you are too sensitive, it didn’t happen that way')."When is it not really gaslighting?If we define gaslighting as simply misleading or confusing someone, it becomes easy to mislabel all kinds of normal, imperfect human interactions as such. Disagreements, remembering events differently, and even trying to convince someone of your viewpoint are not gaslighting unless they involve some specific elements."It’s important to remember that gaslighting is not present every time there is a conflict, and someone feels strongly about their point of view and rejects another’s," explains Stern. "Conflicts can veer into gaslighting if one person is so insistent that the other person starts to doubt themselves. A power imbalance in the relationship usually allows the gaslighter to undermine the gaslightee’s sense of self. The need to control, the act of manipulating, and the leveraging of power are essential components of gaslighting—not hurt feelings or challenged viewpoints.""Often, the gaslighter is unyielding and verbally aggressive," Stern adds. "The gaslighter likely turns a back-and-forth discussion into blaming the other person and may even lie outright about what took place. They may use statements such as, 'Are you crazy? I never said that—must be early memory loss,' and 'OMG—fantasy land as usual. Can’t you remember anything?!'"Guha emphasizes that gaslighting is not a one-off behavior but a pattern. "Most people will say things that might be insensitive, exasperated, or callous on occasion. It would not count as gaslighting unless there was a repeated pattern over time — a pattern based on a desire to deny recognition of the other’s experience."Why does it matter if we call something gaslighting when it's not?“Gaslighting is often used in an accusatory way when somebody may just be insistent on something, or somebody may be trying to influence you," Dr. Stern told Well + Good. "That’s not what gaslighting is.” She shared that accusing someone of gaslighting when they are really just insistent on a strongly held opinion, or belief shuts down a conversation in an unhealthy way. Stern and her colleague Marc Barnett at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence wrote in the Washington Post, "Today, many people use 'gaslighting' when someone merely disagrees with them. Well-meaning partners, co-workers, or family members may not be skilled in resolving conflict in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean they’re gaslighting — or being gaslighted. Mislabeling and name-calling can break down communication. It can also lead you to think you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship when you’re not."Gaslighting is "an extreme form of emotional abuse," according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, so if you wonder if you may be the victim of a gaslighter, get advice from a professional therapist who has the knowledge and experience to help.

The names we choose to give our children can significantly impact their lives. Multiple studies from across the globe have found that a person’s name can influence their employment, social and economic outcomes.Unfortunately, humans make snap judgments about one another, and having an unusual name can lead people to make unflattering assumptions. “We’re hardwired to try to figure out in a heartbeat whether or not we want to trust somebody, whether we want to run from somebody,” Northwestern University researcher David Figlio said, according to Live Science. However, an increasing number of parents are giving their children non-traditional names to help them stand out. “Parents are trying to be original, almost branding their kids in an era where names are viewed on the same level as Twitter handles or a website URL,” writer Sabrina Rogers-Anderson said.Ruby, a mother on TikTok, took a hard stance on parents giving their children names that sound childish in a post that’s received over 11 million views. Ruby says she named her kids as “adults, not babies” hoping they would never “outgrow” their names. @rubyyvillarreal Visit TikTok to discover videos! “The whole concept when I was trying to look for a name and choose a name for her is I did not want her to outgrow her name,” she said in the viral video. “I wanted the name to fit her as a baby, as a toddler, as a child, and into adulthood. So, it's like I really am happy with what I ended up with naming her and it just fits her so well.”She captioned the video, “love having nicknames as they are younger and it doesn’t mean they will prefer it over their name as they get older. Just gives them options.”People in the comments responded with modern names they think that kids will outgrow."My name is Koazy and I’m here for a job interview," Stalker joked. "Hello sir, I am Bluey Mason Garrison! I was called in for a job interview last Tuesday," Pastel Purr added."I can’t imagine knowing [a] 30-year-old named Emma or Posie," Mikey wrote.However, a lot of people commented that names that seem like they’ll be outgrown will sound fine in the future when those names are popular with the new generation. “Kids grow up with their generation having their own names on trend. They will be normal adult names when they are grown,” Kerry wrote.“Names grow with the generation,” Lauren added. “The name Dennis sounded like a baby name once too. Names grow up just like generations.” @rubyyvillarreal Visit TikTok to discover videos! In a follow-up video, Ruby shared the names she gave her children. Her girl is named Karla Esmerelda and her boy is called Deluca.“I just really liked how simple, how bold, and strong that the name by itself just really kind of is. Doing some research names with the letter K tend to be like very bold and powerful names, so I really wanted it with a K and not with a C,” she said.She named her son Deluca, after a doctor on “Grey’s Anatomy.” She said she chose the name because there was nothing to connect it to, and it sounded “nice.”This article originally appeared on 4.26.23

Burger and french fry connoisseurs know: There is only one true tomato ketchup. (Fun fact: Heinz is called "tomato ketchup" because the word ketchup actually refers to a paste with a certain consistency. Ketchup can be made from lots of things, including fruits like bananas, blueberries, and cherries!) But that doesn't stop many restaurants looking to save a buck from trying to pull the old switcharoo: filling up empty Heinz bottles with cheap off-brand ketchup. Spoiler alert: Diners HATE this. People who like ketchup tend to be extremely passionate about it, and don't take kindly to being duped. So Heinz decided to do something about it with a brilliant and barely noticeable tweak to their label design.A new Heinz label being tested in Turkey includes a red border that exactly matches the color of Heinz ketchup — easily exposing impostors VML TurkeyVML, a global marketing agency, came up with the award-winning design. The end result was deliciously simple and brilliant.In the old design, the Heinz label had a simple white border. Heinz and VML simply "identified the exact red color of Heinz Tomato Ketchup using the world's universal Pantone color scale and simply added this Pantone Red stripe to the Heinz Tomato Ketchup label," according to the agency's official case study.Additional text at the bottom of the label reads "Is that Heinz? Check with the color of the label."For foodies outside of Turkey, Heinz also launched an Instagram filter that allows you to easily compare the ketchup on your table to the true red to check for authenticity.Ketchup enthusiasts are big fans of the change.Though the campaign initially launched in 2023, the new label continues to get buzz.Facebook user Man Behaving Dadly shared the photos with his audience, to the tune of over 3,000 comments and 14,000 shares.For the most part, people are pumped.YogaDiva MT wrote: I eat HEINZ ketchup only and I can tell the difference when I taste some off brand version.Cheryl Jenkins joked: Don’t need a sticker we know when we taste itKate Mays said: I too, hate when they do that. Heinz forever Thom Cousens brought up an important point: I've eaten in cafes and seen the staff "top up" Heinz bottles with value stuff. Dangerous game to play if there's allergens in one but not the other.To be fair, plenty of users chimed in to add that they couldn't care less about ketchup brands — and some even claimed to dislike Heinz.But the point isn't necessarily that Heinz is objectively the best ketchup on the planet. It's that diners shouldn't be deceived so restaurants can save a buck.It's an annoying time to be a consumer of, well, anything. But especially at restaurants.While the Heinz label campaign was concepted and rolled out in Turkey, initially, we sure could use it here in the US..Because the numbers don't lie. People are eating out less and less.The price of a meal out has skyrocketed and, at least anecdotally, quality has gone way down to boot. It's hard to measure for sure whether restaurants (especially corporate chains) are using lower quality ingredients, but it sure feels like it.Service has also become a problem. Despite prices going up, servers and kitchen staff are still way underpaid, which makes it hard for establishments to attract good people.In short, going out to eat just kind of... sucks. More and more people aren't finding the experience to be worth it, and when we do decide to open up our wallets and get served some cheapo replacement ketchup, it can feel like the last straw!Running a restaurant is tough sledding, especially for small businesses. It can be challenging to keep the lights on in this economy.But, please, we're begging you. At least give us good food, a fun experience, and real ketchup.

We’ve all heard an old wives tale—a superstition or belief that seems ridiculous but just might have a kernel of truth to it. For instance: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Probably not literally true, but there’s no question that good nutrition helps keep you from getting sick. Counting sheep will help you fall asleep? Well, it might, for some people. In other words, old wives tales might not be true for everyone all the time, but there’s often a little bit of truth in there somewhere. For centuries, the people of northern Ireland had an old wives tale of their own: A small churchyard in a hamlet called Boho has soil that is rumored to have magical healing powers. A picture of the Boho Church of Ireland Churchyard in County Fermanagh. Found on the Church’s facebook page. According to legend, in 1815, a local folk healer named Reverend James McGirr supposedly said on his death bed that “the clay that covers me will be able to cure anything that I was able to cure when I was with you when I was still alive.” After the reverend died and was buried, parishioners started traveling to his gravesite in the churchyard to sample the “clay” (aka, the soil) from his grave. A picture of Father McGirr’s grave, from findagrave.com. The local custom went like this: A person would kneel beside McGirr’s grave and collect a “thumbnail size patch of dirt,” likely no more than a teaspoon or two, and put it into a small cotton pouch. After that, the person would take the soil home (being careful not to speak to anyone on the way home, since it would interfere somehow with the healing) and place it under the pillow of the person who was sick. After placing the pouch under the pillow, that person was required to say prayers for the person who was sick, as well as for the soul of Father McGirr and all of his deceased relatives and friends, along with a few other Catholic prayers for good measure. A letter from the parish priest instructing people on how to use the clay and when to return it. Photo credit Simon Watson. Within a few days, the sick person would supposedly be cured, and the dirt would be returned to the churchyard and placed back on McGirr’s grave. (Failure to return the soil within four days meant bad luck and that your healing wouldn’t be granted.) For centuries, the soil was used to heal flesh wounds, toothaches, sore throats, and more—and according to legend, it actually worked. Microbiologist Gerry Quinn, who grew up near Boho, had heard the old wives tale throughout his childhood. As a researcher at Swansea University Medical School in 2018, he decided to dig into the old wives tale and find out the truth about the soil once and for all. Was it purely superstition, or could the soil somehow really be healing people? “There seemed to be a lot of superstition around [this folk remedy], but in the back of my head I realized that there's always something behind these traditions or they wouldn't be going on so long,” Quinn said in an interview. Quinn and his colleagues collected soil samples from McGirr’s grave and the surrounding churchyard and found something surprising: The soil contained Streptomyces, a bacteria that’s found in highly alkaline environments and is responsible for producing about two-thirds of all the antibiotics we currently use. Streptomycin, for instance, which is derived from Streptomyces, is one of the few antibiotics that can treat tuberculosis. In just a small sample of the churchyard soil, the researchers were able to isolate eight different strains of Streptomyces, which could potentially produce hundreds of different antibiotics. But wait—there’s more. One of the strains, the researchers discovered, had never been previously identified, and that’s great news for scientists (and, frankly, for the rest of the world). Streptomyces sp. myrophorea under a microscope, courtesy of G. Quinn, Swansea University. Antibiotics have revolutionized medicine, saving millions of lives every year and preventing an untold number of infections. Unfortunately, antibiotics have also been overused, which leads to something called antimicrobial resistance. This is when bacteria mutate and become harder to kill, eventually becoming “superbugs” that are resistant to antibiotics altogether. The more resistant the bacteria, the more infections become impossible to treat—and this leads to more disease, disability, and death. Antimicrobial resistance is one of the world’s leading health problems, according to the World Health Organization. And this is exactly what makes the discovery in Boho so important. When the Swansea researchers tested the never-before-seen strain of Streptomyces, they discovered it was able to kill four of the top six multi-resistant bacteria that are responsible for most healthcare-related infections, such as MRSA. “Our discovery is an important step forward in the fight against antibiotic resistance,” wrote Quinn and Swansea microbiologist Paul Dyson in an article in Newsweek. “The discovery of antimicrobial substances … will help in our search for new drugs to treat multi-resistant bacteria, the cause of many dangerous and lethal infections.” The Swansea team is currently identifying strains of bacteria from the soil and testing them against other multi-resistant pathogens. Lesson learned: Sometimes old wives tales aren’t “tales” at all—they can actually save lives.

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