www.theblaze.com
The best destinations for celebrities fleeing the Donald Trump regime
It’s become an election tradition: Every four years a long list of Hollywood celebrities and musicians vow to leave America and never come back if the bad orange man wins. Then the vast majority of them stay and complain for the next four years instead of honoring their commitment. After Trump’s surprise victory in 2016, A-listers like Miley Cyrus, Bryan Cranston, Amy Schumer, Lena Dunham, and Samuel L. Jackson couldn't wait to be the first to bid America a hearty "adios."Yes, pretty-socks Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has recently backpedaled on his aggressive pro-immigration policies, but this is Canada we're talking about here.None of them left — and only Jackson had a credible excuse (he was playing a Magic 8 ball in a late night sketch when he said it.)Miraculously, all escaped political persecution for opposing the dictatorial new regime. This time around, the list of forgotten celebrities talking about a one-way ticket away from the Land of the Free is longer than ever, encompassing such shining stars as John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, Amy Schumer, Sharon Stone (who is “certainly considering a house in Italy"), Barbra Streisand (who “can’t live” in Trump’s America), and Cher (definitely leaving, still mad about the "ulcer" she got from the 2016 election).But, wait — there're more! Elon Musk’s son (a man living as a trans woman and going by the name Vivian Wilson) has also promised to leave, citing the lack of a future in a Trump-led United States. Hope he saves room in dad's Cybertruck for Kamala shill Cardi B and race hustler Whoopi Goldberg. The latter might want to head out sooner rather than later, given the defamation suit against her.Now some celebrities do follow through: P. Diddy’s “clowning around” friend Ellen DeGeneres and her wife, Portia de Rossi, have moved to the U.K. following Trump’s win and say they will never be back. "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria first left years ago for Mexico and Spain and says she just couldn’t live in “dystopian” America any longer.Nonetheless, these courageous deserters are in the minority. We know most celebs are so exhausted just from fleeing X that that they need a couple spa weeks before they can contemplate packing up their stuff in real life. When they're ready, Align is here to help with our list of MAGA-free destinations. Hollywood stars, we hope you'll think of us Align your treasured personal assistant — one you never have to worry about "going number two" on your personal toilet. HaitiNow that thousands of Haitians have recently settled in Springfield, Ohio, the time is ripe for a little cultural exchange. Pets welcome!What's more, Haiti comes personally recommended by none other than carrot-topped funnyman Conan O’Brien, who spent four days in the Caribbean nation in 2018 in response to reports that President Trump had labeled it a "sh**hole." His verdict? "Haiti is great already." Your move, Mr. Drumpf!Unfortunately, the Haitian embassy in Washington, D.C., did not respond to our inquiries by the deadline; it is worth noting the U.S. embassy in Haiti is on ordered departure status due to instability and violence. That's one way to describe your new home. We call it gentrification-ready!Commonwealth countries
REDA/Bloomberg/Getty ImagesThe beauty of moving to the United Kingdom is that at least 45% of the population speaks English as their native language — so no need to translate your "in this house, we ..." yard signs. And if old Blighty's not to your liking, why not try one of Great Britain's former colonies, like Australia, New Zealand, or South Africa?While none of the embassies for these countries responded by press time, all are always open to skilled workers, especially in the fields of pretending to cry on camera and starting athleisurewear brands.And don't overlook our neighbor to the north. They gave us Jim Carrey, after all — isn't it time we paid them back? When asked about the possibility of fast-tracking VIP asylum-seekers, Canadian officials responded with an enthusiastic “all applications from around the world are assessed equally against the same criteria.”Yes, pretty-socks Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has recently backpedaled on his aggressive pro-immigration policies, but this is Canada we're talking about here. As long as you pose for a few selfies with the border guards, you're good. Germany
Jenny Anderson/Print Collector/Getty ImagesHow ironic would it be to flee America's Hitler by building a life in the homeland of the OG Nazi himself? (Potential screenplay idea?) Not to worry, his type is no longer welcome here, thanks to the country's robust, new anti-fascism laws. You post a hateful meme, you're going to jail — no questions asked.A German official wouldn't comment on celebrity escape visas except to quip “established procedures remain in force.” Sooo German. Anyway, that's exactly what the door guy at Lure says. We're sure you're on the list.North Korea
Gavriil Grigorov/Mark Von Holden/NBC/Getty ImagesTalk about exclusive! Not gonna lie, it's not easy gaining entry to this worker's paradise — especially as an American imperialist aggressor. But if you do, the scene is way less competitive than L.A. or New York. As North Korean-born influencer Yeonmi Park puts it, “In the free world, children dream about what they want to be when they grow up and how they can use their talents. When I was 4 and 5 years old, my only adult ambition was to buy as much bread as I liked and eat all of it.”Somewhere you don't have to feel guilty for not counting every carb? Sounds like heaven to us. The oceanHeading for a better life by sea is a classic refugee move. Just in time for the coming collapse of democracy, one Florida cruise company has taken boat people chic and added an upscale twist: “Villa Vie Residences has capitalised on the election results by offering Americans a four-year escape - the length of a presidential term - starting at around $160,000 per person, taking guests to more than 425 ports in 140 countries.”It's just like your Ayahuasca shaman at Burning Man says: The journey is the destination. All aboard!
Kevin Mazur/Anadolu/Getty Images
News Feed (Home)
Popular Posts 
Events 
Blog 
Market 
Forum 
Headline News
VidWatch
Game Zone
Top PodCasts
