Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone…while also tending to a newborn. All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties. Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Democracy! TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.” This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear—his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO). The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use. “It's unfortunately the end of my maternity —ahem— paternity leave,” Remington quips at the beginning of his video, via voiceover. “I only joke because my wife is truly the man of the house. And call me what you want, but I am totally okay with that.” He then shares that after getting to spend quality time with his family to create precious memories—losing track of time to “watch ants cross the sidewalk,” for instance—he feels “guilty” about not doing so with their firstborn.“[It] made me realize how many of those small moments I missed out the first time, but I'm looking past that guilt and grateful that I had some time to make it up,” he says. You’ll notice that during this entire video, Remington is also doing chores. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, wiping the countertops…you get the picture. @ustheremingtons I (caleb) am getting ready to go back into work and i am not ready. Grateful for my four weeks plus 3 weeks of PTO, but i feel like we were just getting into a groove and i was finally getting to have some 1 on 1 time with my son. Picking up the house today because we all function better with a clean space and we haven’t had time to do much of it while surviving these past 7 weeks. I do work from home and find that I have a little more flexibility in helping out here and there but i am also pretty glued and have to be zoned in during work hours. I do however have some pretty awesome and understanding coworkers and company!Shout out to @SAMBAZON Açaí ? Tiff is an all star: working and stay at home mom. I am dedicated in doing better to help balance more of the domestic responsibilities. #paternityleave #dadtok #dadsover30 #dadlife #fyp #foryoupage #ditl #ditlvlog #maternityleave #newbornlife #newbornbaby #secondbaby #2under2 #toddlerlife ♬ original sound - Tiffany + Caleb Why is he doing this? His wife, aka “the lady with the milk bags,” has been so stressed with the house being messy that Remington decided to focus on doing all the housecleaning so that she could spend time with the kids.Doing a fair share of the domestic labor is something Remington admits to failing at their first time around. Spending seven weeks taking on more responsibilities, however, opened his eyes to the fact that what he previously saw as doing his “fair share” was actually doing “the bare minimum.” “It has taken multiple conversations — and many ongoing ones — to truly master how to take on more of the mental load of raising children, growing our marriage and taking care of our investments like our home.”Proof that having difficult conversations can lead to better understanding!Lastly, Remington reflects on how the emotional turbulence of being new parents challenged his relationship, even though he and his wife were good communicators and aware of how much effort would be required. “I honestly hated how much we fought, how much I felt misunderstood, and how much I misunderstood her…so now as second-time parents, I feel like we're a little bit more prepared. Prepared in how we talk to each other, prepared in how I balance work, life, and personal life, and prepared to just let things go,” he says. Definitely valuable insights for anyone navigating baby number one. Or number five, for that matter.Remington’s story stands as a great example of just how beneficial paternity leave can be. It offers priceless bonding time, an equal balance of responsibilities, and more time for much needed reflection as parents begin a pivotal new chapter in their lives. This article originally appeared on 9.7.23

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while. Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll. In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break. In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: "[I don't know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days." In a follow-up tweet, she added, "And other moms are like 'yeah totally' while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror." — (@) Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:"And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice," wrote one mom."I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss," shared another.Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it's not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That's why she pointed to "lack of community care" in her original post. — (@) They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We're not just running the ultramarathon—we're also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes—and we're doing it all without any rest. Why don't moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It's not that simple. Many people don't have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there's a certain level of "mom guilt" that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting. Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it's forced—if you're in the hospital, you have to be there, so there's no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making—someone else is calling the all shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting—no one needs anything from you. And unlike when you're on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you're in the hospital aren't going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They'll leave you to let you rest.Paula Fitzgibbons shares that had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion's share of childcare—"delightful utter chaos" as she refers to it—fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring. "When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at 'the spa,' and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in," she tells Upworthy. "My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom." When you have young children, your concept of what's relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me—I didn't even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than "Open a little wider, please." Obviously, being hospitalized isn't ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren't a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break—not just an hour or two, but a few days—but maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn't feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to be able to rejuvenate. This article originally appeared on 9.7.23

Parents, do you think your child would be able to survive if they were transported back to the '70s or '80s? Could they live at a time before the digital revolution put a huge chunk of our lives online?These days, everyone has a phone in their pocket, but before then, if you were in public and needed to call someone, you used a pay phone. Can you remember the last time you stuck 50 cents into one and grabbed the grubby handset? According to the U.S. Federal Communications Commission, roughly 100,000 pay phones remain in the U.S., down from 2 million in 1999.Do you think a 10-year-old kid would have any idea how to use a payphone in 2022? Would they be able to use a Thomas Guide map to find out how to get somewhere? If they stepped into a time warp and wound up in 1975, could they throw a Led Zeppelin album on the record player at a party?Another big difference between now and life in the '70s and '80s has been public attitudes toward smoking cigarettes. In 1965, 42.4% of Americans smoked and now, it’s just 12.5%. This sea change in public opinion about smoking means there are fewer places where smoking is deemed acceptable.But in the early '80s, you could smoke on a bus, on a plane, in a movie theater, in restaurants, in the classroom and even in hospitals. How would a child of today react if their third grade teacher lit up a heater in the middle of math class?Dan Wuori, senior director of early learning at the Hunt Institute, tweeted that his high school had a smoking area “for the kids.” He then asked his followers to share “something you experienced as a kid that would blow your children’s minds.”A lot of folks responded with stories of how ubiquitous smoking was when they were in school. While others explained that life was perilous for a kid, whether it was the school playground equipment or questionable car seats.Here are a few responses that’ll show today’s kids just how crazy life used to be in the '70s and '80s.First of all, let’s talk about smoking. \u201cMy high school had a smoking area. For the kids. What\u2019s something you experienced as a kid that would blow your children\u2019s minds?\u201d — Dan Wuori (@Dan Wuori) 1650809267 Mine too. Up until my senior year. Also, my biology teacher smoked in the classroom. We used to tell time by how many cigarettes she had in her ashtray.— rbe (@perdidostschool) April 24, 2022 We made clay ashtrays as gifts for Mother's Day...whether moms smoked or not!?— Mark (@coach_mark1) April 24, 2022 We had a smoking room IN our high school. We also had cadet training and a shooting range in the basement of the school. We had Latin as an option and could drop math in Grade 10! Also in the « good old days »: we could smoke in class at Carleton, at the movies and on airplanes.— ??Jacques Leger?? (@jacquesleger17) April 24, 2022 I grew up in a rural area. It wasn’t unheard of for guys to have a shotgun in a gun rack in their trucks, parked at school. Could also carry large knives and openly chew tobacco in school. They don’t allow any of this now, which is good.— High Plains Grifter (@Too_Grizzled) April 24, 2022 Want to call someone? Need to get picked up from baseball practice? You can’t text mom or dad, you’ll have to grab a quarter and use a pay phone.My high school had pay phones.— Mark Angres (@AngresMark) April 24, 2022 Using a pay phone that was outside the school gym to call my parents for a ride home from practice. But calling collect and saying "pick me up" and hanging up before getting charged. ?— Stacy Kratochvil ? (@StacyKratochvil) April 24, 2022 People had little regard for their kids’ safety or health.I slept in the back window of the car when the family went on vacation!— CJFuemmeler (@fuemmelercj) April 24, 2022 We stared Death in the eye every day. pic.twitter.com/zWHh5bvUym— Ed Lettis ? (@edbobgreen) April 24, 2022 Car seats that just hung over the front seat. Hang on, kid! pic.twitter.com/2DdCoXhqmf— Bluenoser Forever (@long17_de) April 24, 2022 I have heard stories of country schools in the 50s (which are now urban schools) having boys swim naked in PE (that’s just how they did it in the country). Van Horn High School in Independence MO. I use this example any time people lament the changes from the “good ole days”.— Matt Parker (@DrMattParker) April 24, 2022 Also, in Driver's Ed. We warched this film, "Blood on the Highways." 45 minutes of unedited film of fatal highway accidents. This was mostly before mandatory seatbelts. 45 years later, I remember the rear view mirror that split a guy's skull, imbedded in his brain.— some call me Tim ?? ? MAT Elem. Educ. (@realtimaier) April 24, 2022 Large fry as your entire meal in middle school. It was the most popular item too. Literally as it sounds. Just a large basket of French fries for lunch.— Monique (@LivAnotherDay) April 24, 2022 Truck with gun racks/rifles in the HS parking lot. (DFW too not a small town) pic.twitter.com/RnWiKQwKB7— FortWorthPlayboy (@FWPlayboy) April 24, 2022 You could buy a soda in school.Vending machine in the cafeteria to buy sodaaaaa ?— Anna Sutter (@AnnaMSutter) April 24, 2022 Things were a lot different before the internet.If you wanted to listen to a particular song, you had to call the radio station (and hope you got through) and ask them to play it for you.— Sarah (@sarahbschaefer) April 25, 2022 Remember pen pals?I wrote letters regularly to a penpal from a different country and then saved them all in a shoebox. Then in college I flew to “meet” her for the 1st time to participate in her wedding ❤️ But now we connect on FB ?— Ms.Teach (@MidwestTeach14) April 24, 2022 A lot of people bemoan the fact that the children of today aren’t as tough as they were a few decades back. But that’s probably because the parents of today are better attuned to their kids’ needs so they don't have to cheat death to make it through the day. But just imagine how easy parenting would be if all you had to do was throw your kids a bag of Doritos and a Coke for lunch and you never worried about strapping them into a car seat?This article originally appeared on 06.08.22

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