Cats have a reputation for being aloof and standoffish, like they're better than everyone and simply can't be bothered. Those of us who have cats know they're not always like that … but yes, they're sometimes like that. They can be sweet and affectionate, but they want affection on their terms, they want to eat and play and sleep on their own clock, and we puny, inferior humans have little say in the matter.There's a reason why we have obedience schools for dogs and not for cats. Maine coon or Bengal, Savannah or Siamese, ragdoll or sphynx, domestic cats of all breeds are largely untrainable little punks who lure us into loving them by blessing us with the honor of stroking their fur and hearing them purr. But perhaps we assume too much when we think cats are full of themselves for no good reason. Maybe they are actually somewhat justified in their snootiness. Maybe they really, truly are superior to pretty much every other creature on Earth and that's why they act like it. (Cats, if they could talk, would be nodding and prodding us along at this point: "Yes, yes, you're so close. Just a little further now, keep going.") Think about it. They're beautiful and graceful, but also quick and powerful. They groom constantly so they're almost always clean and their fur even smells good. They can fall from ridiculous heights, land on their feet and walk away unscathed. They're wicked good ambush hunters. They can walk completely silently, like ninjas, then pull out the razor blades on their feet at will and do serious damage in an instant. All of that makes them impressive specimens, but ironically it's their total hubris that makes them truly superior. When they feel like it (because cats only do things they feel like doing) they will take on anyone and anything. Big, small, dangerous, fierce—doesn't matter. That unbridled confidence—earned or not—combined with their physique and skill makes them the badasses of the animal world. Want proof? Here ya go: \u201cI love cats, they are very brave and there is a challenge in their nature! \u2764\ufe0f\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\n\n\u201d — Figen (@Figen) 1660655908 The lightning-fast smackdown is really the cat's weapon of choice, isn't it? They're so fast with the swipe-slap, it takes their victims by surprise. "Aww, you're so cute and cuddly, look at y—OUCH!" And then the way they just stand there and stare with their big eyes and their ears back. It's unnerving. Throw in a little hiss or yowl, and no thank you. If that video wasn't enough to convince you, here's another. The snakes, man. I can't get over the snakes. Cats really are better than us and every other living thing, basically. And even if they aren't, they believe they are, which counts just as much. They're either the ultimate creatures or the ultimate conmen. Either way, you just don't mess with them. This article originally appeared on 08.17.22

There are many different theories about friends and money. Some say they shouldn’t mix. Others give freely to their friends without the expectation of being paid back. A lot of this depends on your financial situation and who you choose as friends.A recent story posted to Reddit poses an interesting debate on friendship, boundaries and the almighty dollar. It begs the question: Do we owe our friends financial assistance? A user named Stupidinlovelesigh asked the AITH forum if she was in the wrong for being “deeply hurt” that she asked her wealthy friend for $5 and was turned down. A big reason she’s so upset is that when her friend needed help years ago, she was there for her and asked for nothing in return.“My best friend and I have been friends for nearly 7 years. When we first met, she was struggling financially and lived paycheck to paycheck,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “At one point, her car broke down and she had no transportation to work, so I would let her borrow my car and never asked her for gas money or anything in return. At the time, I was financially secure and was happy to help her out.”Over time, their financial situations reversed. Stupidinlovelesigh was living paycheck to paycheck, and her friend, who married a millionaire, was flush with cash. In this new dynamic, Stupidinlovelesigh occasionally borrowed small amounts of money from her friend, no more than $25 and always paid her back.However, things changed again.“The last couple of times I asked to borrow money, she said she didn't have it, which I found odd,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “But then I asked to borrow $5, and she said the same thing, and I thought it was odd that she told me she didn't have $5 to spare.”The friend told her she had lent money to her brothers and other friends who didn’t pay her back, so she stopped lending money to people. “I replied and said that it was not fair for her to lump me in with her brothers as I have never done anything to take advantage of her,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. She also reminded her friend that they had a long history, and she was once the person asking for help.“I am deeply hurt that she feels I was in the wrong, but I do not think I was the a**hole here. I understand that I am not entitled to anyone's money, borrowed or not, but when she was in my shoes, I did everything I could to help her out. I could understand if I had asked to borrow a large amount of money, but I literally asked for $5,” Stupidinlovelesigh concluded her post.The commenters were divided over who was wrong in this situation.Some thought Stupidinlovelesigh was right to be hurt."The girl was driving around in her damn car for goodness sakes. I’d be hurt too if my friend, who I helped support through a very difficult time, started treating me like a beggar,” RandomDerpBot wrote. "I would 100% understand her boundary if you would take advantage of her in some way before. But you didn’t. I honestly hope I never get rich enough to be this stingy with the people I love. At least if this is truly causing a problem in her relationship she could tell you why," No_Inspection_2977 added.Many thought the friend was correct for establishing healthy boundaries between her friends, family and money.“People are losing perspective because of the friend’s ridiculously secure financial situation. But [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn't asking for a favor in an exceptional situation. She's using the friend as a crutch on a regular basis. Then they have the audacity to try and shame the friend for getting tired of the situation and trying to distance from it. [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn't entitled to the friend's money and certainly doesn't have the right to try and emotionally manipulate them for it,” PanserDragoon wrote.“This isn’t over $5, though. This is over [Stupidinlovelesigh] frequently asking her friend for money. It doesn’t matter if [Stupidinlovelesigh] always pays her back. It’s that no one wants to be used for money. And the friend already has a bad taste in her mouth due to her brothers, so everyone is paying the consequences by the money well running dry to any and everyone,” Nina_Rae_____ added.The story is an interesting study of how, when our lives change, it’s hard for our relationships to stay the same. For these two women, it seems that as their financial situations changed, they had a much harder time finding common ground. In situations like this, friends will either go their separate ways or work it out and have a stronger relationship. Let’s hope they can come to an agreement and focus on what really matters most: love and support rather than finances.

It started with a simple, sincere question from a mother of an 11-year-old boy.An anonymous mother posted a question to Quora, a website where people can ask questions and other people can answer them. This mother wrote:How do I tell my wonderful 11 year old son, (in a way that won't tear him down), that the way he has started talking to me (disrespectfully) makes me not want to be around him (I've already told him the bad attitude is unacceptable)?It's a familiar scenario for those of us who have raised kids into the teen years. Our sweet, snuggly little kids turn into moody middle schoolers seemingly overnight, and sometimes we're left reeling trying to figure out how to handle their sensitive-yet-insensitive selves.Jo Eberhardt, a fantasy writer and mother of two from Australia, penned a reply that is so spot on that it keeps repeatedly popping up on social media. When you nail it, you nail it—and this mother nails it."Ah, puberty," she wrote, "It changes our sweet, wonderful little boys into sweet, eye-rolling, angsty, accidentally disrespectful, but still wonderful young proto-men." Yup.Eberhardt then described a discussion she had with her 11 1/2 -year-old son when he started going through this stage—a conversation they had in the car, which is usually the best place to have potentially uncomfortable discussions with kids.She told her son that she'd messed up in the way she'd talked to him about puberty, then explained exactly what was happening in his brain.“I've spent all this time talking to you about the way puberty changes your body," Eberhardt told her son, "and what to expect as you go through the changes, but I completely forgot to talk to you about what's going on in your brain right now. Puberty is the time when your brain grows and changes more than at any other time in your life — well, except for when you're a baby, perhaps. So I really let you down by not preparing you for that. I'm so sorry."Her son accepted her apology, then asked why is his brain was changing.“That's the amazing thing," she told him. "Did you know that your brain grew and developed so quickly when you were little that by the time you were about five or six, your brain was almost as big and powerful as an adult's brain?""But here's the thing," she continued, "Even though your brain was super powerful, the instructions were for a child's brain. And all the information about building an adult's brain was a bit… let's say fuzzy. So your brain did the best it could, but it didn't really know what kind of person you were going to be back then, or what shape brain you were going to need."“Now we come to puberty," she went on. "See, puberty is amazing. Not only is your body being transformed from a child's body to an adult's body, your brain has to be completely rewritten from a child's brain to an adult's brain."“That sounds hard," her son responded.“Yeah, it is," Eberhardt replied. “That's why I wish I'd warned you first. See, it takes a lot of energy to completely rewrite a brain. That's one of the reasons you get tired quicker at the moment — and that, of course, manifests in you being crankier and less patient than normal."Eberhardt paused, then added, “That must be really frustrating for you."Her son looked over at her, wiping his eyes. “It is," he responded. Sometimes I just feel really angry and I don't know why."It's amazing what happens when we explain to kids the physiological reasons for what they're going through.Eberhardt continued, “The other thing is that one of the first parts of your brain that gets super-sized to be like an adult is the amygdala. That's the part that controls your emotions and your survival instincts. You know how we've talked about fight/flight/freeze before, and how sometimes our brains think that being asked to speak in public is the same level of threat as being attacked by a sabre tooth tiger?"Her son laughed. “Yes. So you have to tell your brain that there's no sabre tooth tiger to help you calm down."“That's right," Eberhardt replied. "Well, that's what the amygdala looks after: sabre tooth tiger warnings and big emotions. So, the thing with puberty is that all of a sudden you've got an adult-sized amygdala hitting all your emotion buttons and your sabre-tooth tiger buttons. That must be really hard for you to manage."Her son nodded and said, “Sometimes I don't know why I say the things I do. They just come out, and then I feel bad."This is the moment where what a parent says can make or break a kid's spirit. But Eberhardt handled it with empathy and expertise.“I know, Sweetheart," she said before explaining:“See, the last part of your brain that gets rewritten is right at the front of your head. It's called the frontal cortex. And that's the part of your brain that's good at decision making and understanding consequences. So you've got this powerful adult amygdala hitting you with massive emotions, but you've still got a fuzzy child frontal cortex that can't make decisions or understand consequences as quickly as the amygdala wants you to. It pretty much sucks."“So it's not my fault?" her son asked.“No, it's puberty's fault your brain works the way it does," Eberhardt answered. "But that doesn't mean it's not your responsibility to recognise what's going on and change your actions. It's not easy, but it's not impossible, either. Your feelings are your feelings, and they're always okay. But you get to choose your actions. You get to choose what you do with your feelings. And, when you make a mistake, you get to choose to apologise for that mistake and make amends."Eberhardt said she then paused for dramatic effect. “That's how you prove that you're becoming an adult."It's also remarkable what happens when we empathize and communicate with our kids instead of simply chastising them.Her son responded with a perfectly understandable and relatable, “Puberty sucks."“Puberty absolutely sucks," Eberhardt responded. “I'm not in your head, but I can only imagine that it's a mess of confusion and chaos, and you don't know from one minute to the next how you feel about things."Her son looked at her in surprise. “Yes! Exactly!"“If it's confusing for you living inside there," Eberhardt continued, "imagine how confusing it is for me, when I only see your actions."“That must be really confusing," her son agreed.She nodded. “Do you know what that means?"“What?"“It means sometimes I'm going to make mistakes. Sometimes I'm going to get upset at things you do because I don't understand what's going on in your head. Sometimes I'm going to forget that you're halfway to being a man, and accidentally treat you like a child. Sometimes I'm going to expect more from you than you're able to give. This is my first time parenting someone through puberty, and I'm going to make mistakes. So can I ask you a favour?"“What is it?"“Can you just keep telling me what's going on in your head? The more we talk, the easier it will be for both of us to get through this puberty thing unscathed. Yeah?"“Yeah," her son said.When we let our kids know that we're going through these various phases together, it's easier to work with them instead of against them.Eberhardt said they "had a cuddle" before they got out of the car. She also said this conversation didn't magically make her son always speak respectfully or make her remember that he's not a little boy anymore. However, it did open up lines of communication and gave them a shared language to use.For example, she wrote, "He knows what I mean when I say, 'Sweetheart, I'm not a sabre tooth tiger.'"Ebehardt wrapped up her excellent answer by saying that she and her son are "muddling through this crazy puberty thing" together, and that she's "completely confident that he'll come out the other end a sweet, wonderful young man."It's always so helpful to see examples of good parenting in action. Ms. Eberhardt's response is something all parents can tuck away for the appropriate time. It's also a great reminder that our tweens aren't trying to try us—they're just trying to get used to their new and improved brains.This story originally appeared on 1.05.19

The saying goes “not all heroes wear capes.” And indeed, our real world heroes aren’t saving lives while flying around in spandex. They’re doing it in a pair of scrubs and a medical mask. Nurses typically work 12 hour shifts, three days a week—many even opt to do all three shifts back-to-back. That means for 12 hours they’re drawing blood, collecting samples, taking vitals, performing exams, monitoring recovery, administering medications, not to mention the emotional toll of helping patients and families through their own stresses. It’s not for the faint of heart. In a recent TikTok trend, nurses show what they look like before and after one of these 12-hour work shifts, and it's undeniable the kind of toll one of these work days takes. Spoiler: it takes a lot. No matter who is being recorded, the pattern remains the same: nurse comes in smiling and full of energy before the shift, then comes out completely exhausted. If that’s not evident by the half-closed eyes, slumping shoulders and messy ponytails, their tired, raspy voices are a dead giveaway. @briannadestiny1108 Nursing take on this trend ? #nurse #nursesoftiktok #nurselife #nurses #nursehumor #ernurse #ernurselife #ernurses #ernursesbelike #ernursesbelike #nurseslife #nurseproblems #nursestiktok #thisismechallenge #thisismebeforeandafter? #emergencyroom ♬ original sound - Bri Lara No amount of coffee (or “Celsius and Adderall,” as one joked) can really prevent the fatigue to come, especially for those who work a night shift. Though there were a special few who magically seemed unbothered start to finish. As one nurse noted, this could be because they were on on shift “1 of 3.” But after shift 3 of 3, they’d probably be just as listless as their peers. Many people were left baffled at how these nurses managed to endure such long and greulling hours. One person commented, "How do nurses/ doctors do it??? I get so tired after working 8 hours at my office job." @jessicaavelasco Before and after our shift. #nursesoftiktok #nurselife #nursetok #nurse #enfermeria #enfermera #nursehumor ♬ original sound - Jessica Velasco Another viewer noted "Unless you have worked 12 hours hospital RN shifts you can’t fully understand it. It changes you. Especially if your 12s are overnight."These long shifts have only gotten tougher since the COVID-19 pandemic, when around 100,000 registered nurses in the U.S. left the workplace due to stress, per the National Council of State Boards of Nursing.And the industry continues to suffer a staffing crisis due to “cost-cutting decisions” and “an aging population and workforce,” according to The American Nurses Association, or ANA. @itsjacquelinewells Before & after a 12 hr shift #nursesoftiktok #nursetok #ernursing #nightshiftnurse #nightshift #nursing #erlife #12hourshift #nursehumor ♬ original sound - Jacqueline Roa Jennifer Mensik Kennedy, president of the ANA, said that “meaningful and lasting solutions,” like eliminating mandatory overtime and specific mental health and wellness resources, would be needed to combat any staffing shortages.Ostensibly, nurses (like other service providers) endure these arduous shifts out of a drive to help others. But clearly, our heroes need—and deserve—help as well.

I grew up black in a very white neighborhood in a very white city in a very white state.As such, I am a lot of people's only black friend.Being the only black friend is a gift and a curse. I am black and I love having friends. But I am also, at any given moment, expected to be a translator, an ambassador, a history teacher, and/or a walking, talking invitation into "I am not racist" territory. It's a lot to handle. See what I mean about that curse?So when I saw the animated short-film "Your Black Friend," I felt so seen. Clearly, I am not alone.The film, which was written, designed, and narrated by Ben Passmore and is based on his mini-comic of the same name, is a brilliant, refreshing way to examine whiteness and racism. The comic and animated short are an open-letter from "your black friend" to you, their well-meaning white friend, about bias, alienation, and what it means to be a good ally and friend.It's funny, honest, and heartbreaking in equal measure. And speaking from personal experience, it captures the experience of being a black friend to white people pretty much perfectly.So if you're a "woke" friend and ally, here are some things your black friend wants you to know.1. You're going to have to get uncomfortable.It could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as "benign" as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, you're going to have to speak up. You're going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.It's not easy to confront strangers or people you love, but if you don't do it, you are part of the problem. Sitting out isn't an option. No one said being an ally is easy.2. "Your black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesn't want to appear to be that 'angry black man.'""He knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins," Passmore says.Black people can't always react or respond the way we want to. When I am followed in a department store, pulled over for no reason, or stared at while picking up dinner at the fancy grocery store, I can't stop what I'm doing and yell, "YES, I AM BLACK. NO, I AM NOT A CRIMINAL YOU SMALL-MINDED, BIASED ASSHOLES." Trust me, I want to. But especially when police are involved, I have to be calm, respectful, and obedient.That's where you come in. You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't. If you are not at risk, nor considered a threat, you have a certain amount of privilege in these situations. Use it to demand answers, speak to supervisors, or if things really get dicey, pull out your phone and hit record.3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.We don't like it, but one small choice — like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box — can be the difference between life and death.When I am in a parking garage and walking behind a white woman, I intentionally cough or walk a little louder so she turns and notices me.Why? Because when I don't, that same white woman will often clutch her purse and occasionally let out an audible gasp as I pass her. This is something my white friends likely don't realize I have to do. Some of them may even be the pearl-clutchers in the parking lot.But to maintain white comfort and to avoid having the cops called on us, we often have to tamp down clothes, modify our speech and volume, even do our hair differently. We have to have "the talk" with our kids about how the world sees them, and how act in order to make sure they come home alive.No, it's not fair. No, we don't like it. But so long as this country and its institutions are built on a solid foundation of white supremacy, it's a grim reality. You need to know that, and take it up with your fellow white people about how to dismantle it.4. "Your black friend wishes you'd play more than Beyoncé. There are more black performers than Beyoncé.""Lemonade" was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to black music and black art than Beyoncé. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.And while we're here, you can't say the n-word when you sing along. Nope. You just can't.5. Speaking of which, performative blackness is really uncomfortable.When you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your "blaccent" when you're around me or other black people, it hurts. It's not cute or charming, and it definitely doesn't make you seem cool.Our culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We don't get to be black only when it suits us. Neither do you.6. "Your black friend feels like a man without a country."Having white friends and seeming to "fit in" with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too "white" for black people, and too "black" for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, "He is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it."7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, that's impossible.Our concerns are urgent and real. We're getting subpar health care. We're disenfranchised. We're over-policed. We're thrown in jail. We're killed by people sworn to protect us. It's exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So do you.We can't be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.Our white friends and allies need to step up and gather their people. Have the tough conversations. Speak up when you see racism, discrimination, and microaggressions. The time to talk about it is done. Be about it, or find yourself a new black friend.Watch "Your Black Friend" in full and check out Passmore's book, "Your Black Friend And Other Strangers." This article was written by Erin Canty and originally published on January 30, 2018.

Trigger warning for discussion of sexual assault and violence.A recent video by Just Not Sports took two prominent female sportswriters and had regular guys* read the awful abuse they receive online aloud.Sportswriters Sarah Spain and Julie DiCaro sat by as men read some of the most vile tweets they receive on a daily basis. See how long you can last watching it.*(Note: The men reading them did not write these comments; they're just being helpful volunteers to prove a point.)It starts out kind of jokey but eventually devolves into messages like this:These types of messages come in response to one thing: The women were doing their jobs.Those wishes that DiCaro would die by hockey stick and get raped? Those were the result of her simply reporting on the National Hockey League's most disturbing ordeal: the Patrick Kane rape case, in which one of the league's top players was accused of rape.DiCaro wasn't writing opinion pieces. She was simply reporting things like what the police said, statements from lawyers, and just general everyday work reporters do. In response, she received a deluge of death threats. Her male colleagues didn't receive nearly the same amount of abuse.It got to the point where she and her employer thought it best to stay home for a day or two for her own physical safety.The men in the video seemed absolutely shocked that real live human beings would attack someone simply for doing their jobs.Most found themselves speechless or, at very least, struggling to read the words being presented.Think this is all just anecdotal? There's evidence to the contrary.The Guardian did a study to find out how bad this problem really is.They did a study of over 70 million comments that have been posted on their site since 2006. They counted how many comments that violated their comment policy were blocked.The stats were staggering.From their comprehensive and disturbing article:"Although the majority of our regular opinion writers are white men, we found that those who experienced the highest levels of abuse and dismissive trolling were not. The 10 regular writers who got the most abuse were eight women (four white and four non-white) and two black men. Two of the women and one of the men were gay. And of the eight women in the 'top 10', one was Muslim and one Jewish.And the 10 regular writers who got the least abuse? All men."So what can people do about this kind of harassment once they know it exists?To start? Share things that make people aware it's happening. Listen to the Just Not Sports podcast where they talk about it.If you know someone who talks like this to anyone on the internet, CALL THEM OUT. Publicly, privately — just let them know it's not OK to talk to anyone like this.Don't stop talking about it. Every day, the harassment continues. Don't let it linger without attention.There are no easy answers. But the more people who know this behavior exists, the more people there will be to tell others it's not OK to talk to anyone like that.Watch the whole video below:.This article originally appeared on 04.27.16

Lately, art history majors have become something of a pop culture punching bag. Not only has the phrase become short-hand for "unemployable in today's economy," they've also been ridiculed by President Barack Obama on national television.But will the gentle art of aesthetic study finally get the last laugh?Middle Earth Organics is known for their organic pasta sauces, each label featuring a famous Italian painting.While this would normally be an NBD, the painting they chose for their tomato and porcini mushroom sauce has been stirring up controversy online.The woman in the painting above is not staring with intense concentration at a pot of delicious, simmering sugo.The image is "Judith Beheading Holofernes," a painting by Caravaggio. Judith, seen above, is not making an al dente delight. Judith is cutting off some dude's head.As 11points.com noted, "That unfortunate painting selection could've been avoided if they'd just hired an art history major." You heard it here folks. Pasta sauce companies: the future of global arts employment.Take a look at the art inspired lineup of sauces.This article originally appeared on 08.16.18

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