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Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire
44 w

BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty following Trump’s stunning victory
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genesiustimes.com

BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty following Trump’s stunning victory

US—The federal government have instructed millions of women across the country to report for “handmaid duty” following Donald Trump’s stunning victory in the 2024 election. The announcement has sent shockwaves through the nation, with many questioning the rationale behind the decision and its implications for women’s rights.  According to a press release from the Department of Homeland Security, all able-bodied women between the ages of 18 and 50 are required to report for handmaid duty within the next 72 hours. The government has stated that this measure is necessary to ensure the continued survival and well-being of the nation in light of Trump’s win.  “We told you this would happen if Trump won and now we’re doing it,” said Alejandro Mayorkas. “Since we’re not going to have millions of immigrants making American babies anymore, we must ensure that the nation will have a steady supply of child-bearing individuals to maintain our population growth and secure our position in the world.”  The announcement has sparked outrage among women’s rights activists and organizations, who have questioned the government’s authority to mandate such a measure. Some have even gone as far as to call the decision a form of “state-mandated pregnancy” and a violation of women’s reproductive rights.  “I am absolutely appalled by this decision,” said Sandra Choux, PhD., a leading expert on gender issues and author of numerous books on women’s rights. “The government has no right to dictate whether or not women should bear children. This is a blatant attack on women’s autonomy and reproductive freedom.”  In response to the backlash, the Department of Homeland Security has maintained that the handmaid duty mandate is necessary for the “safety and stability” of the nation. “We understand that this is a difficult time for many women, but we believe that this measure is in the best interest of our country,” said the spokesperson. “We urge all women to comply with the mandate and report for duty as soon as possible.”  As the controversy continues to swirl, many Americans are left wondering how such a decision could have been made and what its long-term consequences will be for women’s rights and gender equality in the United States. Only time will tell if this unprecedented move will be a turning point in the struggle for women’s autonomy and reproductive freedom. The post BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty following Trump’s stunning victory appeared first on Genesius Times.
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Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire
44 w

BREAKING: Donald Trump indicted for winning the 2024 election
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genesiustimes.com

BREAKING: Donald Trump indicted for winning the 2024 election

WASHINGTON, DC—Former President Donald Trump has been indicted for winning the 2024 presidential election. The news has sent shockwaves through the political world, with many questioning how such a thing could have happened and what its implications will be for the future of American democracy. According to sources close to the investigation, Trump’s victory in the election has been deemed a violation of federal law, as it is believed that he used his influence and resources to sway the outcome in his favor. The indictment comes as a result of a lengthy investigation by the Department of Justice, which has been looking into allegations of election fraud and misconduct on the part of Trump and his campaign. In response to the news, Trump has issued a statement denying any wrongdoing and claiming that the indictment is a “witch hunt” perpetrated by his political enemies. “I won the election fair and square, and I will not let these baseless accusations stand in the way of my return to the White House,” said Trump in a statement released by his spokesperson. The indictment has sparked outrage among Trump supporters, who have taken to social media to express their disbelief and frustration at the situation. Many have called for the resignation of Attorney General Merrick Garland and have demanded that the Department of Justice drop the charges against Trump. On the other hand, critics of Trump have welcomed the indictment as evidence that the rule of law still prevails in the United States. “This is a victory for democracy and a reminder that no one is above the law,” said one prominent Democratic lawmaker. “Trump’s indictment sends a clear message that those who attempt to subvert our electoral process will be held accountable.” As the controversy continues to swirl, many Americans are left wondering how the indictment of a sitting president will impact the nation and its political landscape. Only time will tell if this unprecedented move will be a turning point in the struggle for justice and accountability in American politics. The post BREAKING: Donald Trump indicted for winning the 2024 election appeared first on Genesius Times.
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Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire
44 w

BREAKING: Liz Cheney receives deployment orders to Iran following Trump 2024 election victory
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genesiustimes.com

BREAKING: Liz Cheney receives deployment orders to Iran following Trump 2024 election victory

WASHINGTON, DC—Former Representative Liz Cheney was recently surprised by an unexpected call to service following President Trump’s 2024 victory. Just days after the election, Cheney received official deployment orders to Iran, her new assignment in a “special combat role.” “I’ve always been dedicated to democracy,” Cheney commented. “So, if that means taking up arms on behalf of a new administration… well, this wasn’t quite what I envisioned.” BREAKING: @AP reports that Liz Cheney has just received deployment orders to Afghanistan. pic.twitter.com/5iIsZYIlRt— U.S. Ministry of Truth (@USMiniTru) November 6, 2024 Sources close to the Pentagon say her assignment involves leading the newly formed Operation Spicy Rhetoric. The mission? To establish diplomatic ties by any means necessary — whether that’s late-night social media posts or rugged, boots-on-the-ground diplomacy. When asked for comment, President Trump clarified, “Liz always said she wanted to protect American interests. And now she gets to be the boots in the interests. It’s very patriotic of her.” Cheney’s fans, though concerned, have shown support by staging a “Goodbye Liz” rally in Wyoming, where supporters gathered to send her off with words of encouragement, military-grade hiking boots, and copies of “Constitutional Law for Dummies.” Upon departure, Cheney was reportedly seen holding a small, folded copy of the Constitution as she boarded a transport plane. “I’m prepared for anything,” she stated, “as long as it doesn’t involve agreeing with the administration on policy.” The post BREAKING: Liz Cheney receives deployment orders to Iran following Trump 2024 election victory appeared first on Genesius Times.
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Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire
44 w

Trump Wins 3rd Election In A Row
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babylonbee.com

Trump Wins 3rd Election In A Row

U.S. — The votes are in. The people have spoken. Donald J. Trump, the 45th President of the United States, has just won his third presidential election in a row.
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YubNub News
YubNub News
44 w

WATCH: “White Dude for Harris” has Total Meltdown Over Trump Win
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yubnub.news

WATCH: “White Dude for Harris” has Total Meltdown Over Trump Win

And so it begins. Former President and 2024 Republican presidential candidate, not president-elect, Donald Trump, appeared to have won the 2024 election. Strong results in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin,…
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YubNub News
YubNub News
44 w

“I don’t wanna ever f**king hear from you again”: Woke MSM Host Freaks Out on Pollsters as Trump Raced Ahead, Show Gets Grim [WATCH]
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yubnub.news

“I don’t wanna ever f**king hear from you again”: Woke MSM Host Freaks Out on Pollsters as Trump Raced Ahead, Show Gets Grim [WATCH]

On the night of Tuesday, November 5, as the election results started rolling in and pointing in former President Donald Trump’s favor in a massive way, making him America’s president-elect, Jon Stewart,…
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YubNub News
YubNub News
44 w

Trump Economy Starts Already: Dow Futures Absolutely Explode Overnight as Trump Secures Presidency
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yubnub.news

Trump Economy Starts Already: Dow Futures Absolutely Explode Overnight as Trump Secures Presidency

The U.S. stock markets are surging after President Donald Trump won the presidential election — for the second time — in commanding fashion. Futures on the Dow Jones Industrial Average Index soared…
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YubNub News
YubNub News
44 w

“They look like they are about to cry”: Internet Ignites as CNN Host Makes Stunning Admission about Trump’s Political Comeback [WATCH]
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yubnub.news

“They look like they are about to cry”: Internet Ignites as CNN Host Makes Stunning Admission about Trump’s Political Comeback [WATCH]

Speaking to Anderson Cooper as Tuesday, November 5, turned into Wednesday, November 6, as Trump rose dramatically in the polls and looked positioned to win the swing states he needed for a decisive victory,…
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YubNub News
YubNub News
44 w

Donald Trump’s Monumental Comeback: A Victory for Liberty & the Second Amendment
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yubnub.news

Donald Trump’s Monumental Comeback: A Victory for Liberty & the Second Amendment

[embedded content] In a historic political comeback, Donald J. Trump has secured his return to the White House, defeating Kamala Harris in the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election. The victory marks the first…
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YubNub News
YubNub News
44 w

Election Results 2024: Trump & Pro-Gun Candidates Sweep Elections
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yubnub.news

Election Results 2024: Trump & Pro-Gun Candidates Sweep Elections

Written by Walter SmoloskiELECTION 2024: The Second Amendment Was on the Ballot—And the Second Amendment Won I Voted sticker on a 30-round AR-15 magazine. IMG Jim Grant Washington, D.C. – Gun Owners…
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