genesiustimes.com
Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus
Washington, D.C. – In a surprising twist to his final days as Transportation Secretary, Pete Buttigieg announced a groundbreaking—some would say eyebrow-raising—space mission during a press conference Tuesday. The mission? To send rapper and mogul P. Diddy to destroy Uranus.
Standing at a podium adorned with a NASA logo he may or may not have been authorized to use, Buttigieg explained the rationale for the mission. “Throughout my tenure, I’ve been committed to addressing the most pressing transportation challenges of our time. And now, it’s time to tackle the final frontier. Quite frankly, Uranus is a problem we can no longer ignore.”
Asked for clarification, Buttigieg gestured toward a large, colorful diagram of the solar system. “Look, every time someone says ‘Uranus,’ people giggle. It undermines the credibility of the entire space community. If we’re going to be taken seriously as a spacefaring nation, Uranus must go.”
P. Diddy, who was present at the announcement in a silver spacesuit and aviator sunglasses, nodded solemnly. “I’ve been sent to the moon musically,” he said, referencing his 1999 hit album Forever, “but now I’m ready to take it literal. Uranus will never see me coming.”
The plan, dubbed “Operation Planetary Swagger,” involves launching a retrofitted private jet fueled by Bad Boy Records nostalgia directly at Uranus. “It’s not just about destruction,” Buttigieg clarified. “It’s about setting an example. A transportation secretary doesn’t just build highways; he removes interstellar roadblocks, even metaphorical ones.”
The mission has drawn sharp criticism from the scientific community. Neil deGrasse Tyson tweeted, “Destroy Uranus? That’s like trying to cancel Pluto all over again. This is why people don’t trust politicians in space.”
Buttigieg responded to detractors, saying, “To those who question the necessity of this mission, I say: have you ever tried to talk about Uranus without someone making a joke? My husband Chasten can’t even say it at dinner without snorting. This is bigger than science; it’s about dignity.”
President Biden issued a supportive statement: “Look, folks, Pete’s got the right idea here. Back in my day, we didn’t have Uranus jokes, just good old-fashioned Corn Pop stories. Send Diddy up there and let’s see what he can do. God bless America.”
Critics on social media suggested other targets, including “whatever planet TikTok influencers come from” or Elon Musk’s Tesla orbiting the sun.
While many remain skeptical of Operation Planetary Swagger, Buttigieg remained optimistic. “This is about legacy. When people think of me as Transportation Secretary, I want them to think of progress, innovation, and yes, eliminating Uranus once and for all.”
P. Diddy concluded the press conference by announcing the mission’s official anthem: a remix of I’ll Be Missing You dedicated to Uranus. The track is expected to drop right before the scheduled 2026 launch.
The post Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus appeared first on Genesius Times.
News Feed (Home)
Popular Posts 
Events 
Blog 
Market 
Forum 
Headline News
VidWatch
Game Zone
Top PodCasts
