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BREAKING: Vatican decrees that it’s okay to start playing Christmas music
VATICAN CITY—In a rare move blending religious tradition and modern holiday spirit, the Vatican officially announced that it’s acceptable to start playing Christmas music now that Thanksgiving has passed—despite it still being Advent. Pope Francis delivered the proclamation from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica, addressing a crowd of pilgrims and confused Target employees.
“While Advent is a time of reflection and preparation, we understand that Jingle Bell Rock waits for no man,” declared the Pope, waving a gold-trimmed candy cane. “Therefore, as of today, let the festive tunes commence—but with moderation. Advent wreaths and Mariah Carey can coexist, but keep the Baby Jesus out of the nativity scene until December 24!”
The Debate Is OverThe declaration comes after years of theological debate and lobbying from holiday enthusiasts who felt constrained by the Church’s traditional Advent solemnity. According to Vatican insiders, a heated exchange during the Holy Synod’s meeting involved one cardinal blasting Feliz Navidad on a Bluetooth speaker to prove his point.
“It’s a pastoral compromise,” said Cardinal Giovanni Allegretto, chair of the Sacred Playlist Committee. “We understand the faithful’s desire to deck their halls and crank up the Michael Bublé. But let’s remember that Advent is about anticipation, not jumping straight to Rudolph.”
Retailers and Shoppers RejoiceThe Vatican’s green light for post-Thanksgiving Christmas music has been met with widespread joy from the retail industry. “This is exactly what we needed,” said an ecstatic mall manager in Kansas City. “We’ve already been playing Last Christmas since Halloween, but now we can say the Pope said it’s okay!”
However, the decree also included a stern warning against excessive festivity:
All I Want for Christmas Is You is to be limited to three (3) plays per hour.
Dominick the Donkey is banned under Vatican II, effective immediately.
Instrumental Advent hymns are encouraged between Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree rotations to “remind listeners that Jesus is the reason for the season.”
Catholic Guilt and Festive CheerThe faithful remain divided. “Advent is a season of waiting!” protested Sister Mary Frances of St. Cecilia’s Convent. “You can’t just skip to Christmas because you’re in the mood for Sleigh Ride. It’s liturgical cheating!”
But Father Dominic Yu of Chicago sees things differently. “If the Pope says it’s fine, who am I to judge? Besides, Advent is pretty long—it’s hard to keep people on a strict O Come, O Come Emmanuel diet for four weeks. Throw in a little Bing Crosby now and then.”
Papal Blessing for the PlaylistPope Francis ended the decree with a festive twist on a traditional blessing: “May your playlists be merry, your neighbors patient, and your holiday spirit guided by love and not by Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Amen.”
And with that, Christmas music is officially sanctioned—but remember, Advent candles burn slower than Wham!’s royalties.
The post BREAKING: Vatican decrees that it’s okay to start playing Christmas music appeared first on Genesius Times.
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