Is it ever acceptable for someone pregnant to lie to their family about the baby’s gender? A woman on Reddit who is 11 weeks pregnant made the case for why she was going to tell her parents and her in-laws that she is about to have a baby boy, even though NIPT testing revealed she was having a girl.The woman already has 2 boys, ages 2 and 4.The woman laid out 6 reasons why she and her husband want to tell their parents they are having a boy. Many of them revolve around the fact that her mother-in-law has been pressuring them to have a girl—which is ridiculous because it’s not something the couple can choose.Here are the 6 reasons the couple want to conceal the truth about the child they are expecting:1. Mother-in-law’s pressure“My MIL literally yelled “NOOOOOOOOO” when we told her the gender of our second boy (having kept the first a secret). She has also told me multiple times I need to give her a granddaughter,” the woman wrote.2. Her boys may get jealous“MIL will start sending clothes (she lives in a different country to us) as soon as she finds out, and we are conscious of how our two boys will feel about things arriving for the new baby and not them,” the woman wrote. A couple holding a pregnany woman's belly.via John Looey/Unsplash3. No favoritism“I want to avoid the drama and upset of MIL treats unborn baby girl more favourably than she did my boys (she already shows extreme favouritism to her favourite niece over other girls and boys in the family and sees nothing wrong with it,” the woman wrote.4. Don’t want mother-in-law to fly out“We want to avoid MIL coming to our country for the birth (she came a few months later for our boys) as we want to get settled and think if it’s a girl, she will want to come ASAP,” she wrote.5. Birth pressure“Our eldest was born ‘code blue’ and required resuscitation, and before him, we had a miscarriage, and I’m worried about the added pressure on me to birth the first granddaughter from our parents,” she wrote.6. Surprise!“We think it would be really exciting once born if she’s a big surprise for both sides as she will be the first granddaughter on both sides,” she wrote.The woman concluded her post by asking if she and her husband would be in the wrong for lying to their family. “We are worried, though, that by telling our parents she’s a boy when she isn’t, they will buy gendered clothing or that they will be mad at us for lying for six months. Is this going to backfire on us?” the woman asked. A pregnant woman sitting on a chair.via Jefferson Santu/UnsplashAn overwhelming number of commenters thought that the woman and her husband would be wrong if they lied to their family about the baby’s gender."It's bad juju to start your little girl's life by lying about her. Just tell everyone their sh**y behavior means everyone is on an information diet. It'll drive them crazy, so you'll get your revenge that way. The previous behavior makes them ***holes, but if you lie, you will be as well. Congratulations, but don't lie,” Secretly_S41ty wrote."I read the whole post and still don't understand why you think lying is the right call. Not telling them gender would work. Telling them the gender but establishing boundaries (you're not visiting us until __, do not send more than __ articles of clothing) would work. Lying to them is...well, disrespectful. It sounds like MIL is over the top, but I don't think a lie is the solution,” FacetiuosTomato added.A few supporters thought the story’s real villain was the mother-in-law, but they still didn’t like the idea of lying."You are just trying to avoid craziness and favoritism. That's understandable. I think the other persons suggested not saying the gender at all, and being surprised at the end is best. If this is what you want to keep the baby's gender secret, this neutral response is best,” AgateCatCreations076 wrote.“I'd simply just tell everyone you are waiting until the baby is born to find out the sex and request that nobody buy anything as you already have plenty of things from the boys. If she assumes it's another boy from that comment, then so be it,” Dazzling-Landscape41 added.After reading the comments, the couple changed their minds and decided against lying to their parents. Instead, they’ve chosen to keep their gender a secret and enforce strict boundaries with their family.“We will be saying we don’t know and addressing any hopes for a girl with a request to stop pressuring us to have a girl and that we better not witness any gender disappointment if it’s a boy, and if it’s a girl, we better not see a different reaction or treatment than to the boys, ever,” the woman wrote. Ultimately, it’s unfortunate that some women have to deal with pressure from their families about childbirth, especially when it’s something out of their control, such as gender. But it’s nice that the woman and her husband received some sound advice from people on Reddit who didn’t think it was right to stoop to their mother-in-law’s level by lying. They also made a great point about not bringing their child into this world around a lie.Sometimes, when things get heated with family, it’s easy to miss the forest from the trees. The good news is that some thoughtful folks online helped the couple navigate a tricky situation..

Many of us are familiar with the signs of an abusive relationship. Physical violence is only one of many. Extreme jealousy, verbal insults, controlling behavior, and victim blaming are all hallmark signs that someone is an abusive partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.What we rarely talk about, though, is that for as often as men are the perpetrators of abuse, they can just as easily be victims.Hundreds of men recently took to Reddit to share their own harrowing stories of abusive relationships.As many as 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical abuse by a partner. For women, it's as many as 1 in 3. That's a staggering percentage of people.The grim and heartbreaking thread helped shed some light on an under-recognized reality: Abuse is abuse, and it has no gender. Here are some of the main takeaways from the powerful thread, which is worth a full-read. Note: Last names have been left out to protect victims of abuse.1. The support system for men who are victims of abuse is extremely poor.Robert, who shared his story of an abusive relationship in the thread, wrote that his ex would threaten him and lash out physically, but no one would ever take his complaints seriously."She would throw knives at stuff and wreck the house," he wrote. "I went through 16 police calls before one of them finally gave her a charge for assault."When the two were finally separated (he writes that she was arrested on a separate charge), he had to turn to information meant for battered women for help putting his life back together. The sad truth is that the shelters and groups out there dedicated to helping men in abusive relationships are depressingly scarce.2. Men can be victims of physical abuse too. Often at the detriment of their "manhood." Photo by Richard Stachmann on UnsplashIt's hard enough for many men being abused to find people who'll believe them. It's made even tougher that they might be made out to look like less of a man if they come clean."It's like I was supposed to just take it because I was a man," Robert wrote.Tom, another man who shared his story, wrote that he was "embarrassed" when his ex would hit him during arguments, in public, but that he never even considered it abuse until long after they broke up.Research supports the idea that men might be even less likely than women to report physical abuse. And we wonder why phrases like, "Man up!" are so harmful.3. The patterns of abusive behavior are consistent whether abusers are men or women.Another Reddit user, William, said he wasn't allowed to hang out with certain people his partner didn't like, and the controlling and manipulative behavior took a heavy toll on him. "I knew deep down no matter what I did to try and make her happy it was never good enough. I never felt so useless," he wrote.Many men in the thread, like Richie, wrote that the psychological trauma from their abusive relationship was the most difficult thing to reconcile and recover from. Mood swings, illogical fights, and suicidal threats from Richie's partner pushed him to a breaking point."It wore me down to the bone," he wrote. "I was a shell of myself at one point."The original thread on Reddit makes one thing abundantly clear: The problem of partner violence and abuse is likely much bigger than many people realize.Over 10 million men and women in the United States are victims of physical domestic abuse every year; a number that doesn't include behaviors like lying, threats, and manipulation.Toxic concepts of masculinity can sometimes lead to men becoming abusers, but as this thread shows, they can also paralyze men who need help. Fixing our culture's broken idea of what makes a man could be a crucial step toward ending domestic violence and abuse for both men and women.In the meantime, we can listen to the victims' stories. Everyone, man or woman, deserves to be heard.If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and wants to seek help, start by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which offers support for men, women, and children.This article originally appeared on 4.12.17

There’s no shortage of stories out there showing how emotionally distant or out of touch some baby boomers can be. Younger generations are so fed up with it that they have their own catchphrase of frustration, for crying out loud. The disconnect becomes especially visible in parenting styles. Boomers, who grew up with starkly different views on empathy, trauma and seeking help, have a reputation for being less than ideal support systems for their children when it comes to emotional issues. But even if they often have a different way of showing it, boomer parents do have love for their children, and many try their best to be a source of comfort in some way when their kid suffers. Occupational therapist Jacqueline (@jac.rose8) recently shared a lovely example of this by posting a video of her boomer dad helping her through a divorce in the best way he knew how. Turns out, it was the perfect thing. “My husband just said he’s divorcing me and my dad came over and I was non-functional in bed,” Jacqueline wrote her video, adding that “...boomer dad didn’t know what to do, so he played his favorite song, the Dua Lipa ‘Rocket Man’ remix ?” In the clip, Jacqueline’s dad never really looks at her, but shifts the focus by describing what he imagines while listening to the song and performing the sweetest dad dance ever. Watch: @jac.rose8 #divorcetok #divorcesucks #divorcesupport #divorcesupportforwomen #divorcesupportsquad #supportivedad #disabilitytiktok ♬ original sound - Jacqueline The heartwarming moment served as a great reminder that words aren’t always necessary.‘“I am CRYING. This is so precious, he is trying his hardest to be there for you in any capacity. How pure ❤️,” one person wrote.Another added, “This would instantly make me feel better.”Even Jacqueline shared in the comments that her dad “didn’t know what to say but he was there and helped me in such a sweet way. He’s the best ?”Proving that he has multiple love languages, Jacqueline later shared that her dad also went out to Home Depot to replace her lightbulbs. Not only that, but her mom also made Jacqueline’s favorite dinner. Maybe boomers are okay after all. Really, it goes to show that great parents can be found in every generation. Part of what makes them great is knowing that they don't need to be perfect in order to show up when things are hard. Being there and sharing their love is enough. This article originally appeared on 6.12.23

As the cost of living in large cities continues to rise, more and more people are realizing that the value of a dollar in the United States is a very relative concept. For decades, cost of living indices have sought to address and benchmark the inconsistencies in what money will buy, but they are often so specific as to prevent a holistic picture or the ability to "browse" the data based on geographic location.The Tax Foundation addressed many of these shortcomings using the most recent (2015) Bureau of Economic Analysis data to provide a familiar map of the United States overlaid with the relative value of what $100 is "worth" in each state. Granted, going state-by-state still introduces a fair amount of "smoothing" into the process — $100 will go farther in Los Angeles than in Fresno, for instance — but it does provide insight into where the value lies.The map may not subvert one's intuitive assumptions, but it nonetheless quantities and presents the cost of living by geography in a brilliantly simple way. For instance, if you're looking for a beach lifestyle but don't want to pay California prices, try Florida, which is about as close to "average" — in terms of purchasing power, anyway — as any state in the Union. If you happen to find yourself in a "Brewster's Millions"-type situation, head to Hawaii, D.C., or New York. You'll burn through your money in no time.If you're quite fond of your cash and would prefer to keep it, get to Mississippi, which boasts a 16.1% premium on your cash from the national average.The Tax Foundation notes that if you're using this map for a practical purpose, bear in mind that incomes also tend to rise in similar fashion, so one could safely assume that wages in these states are roughly inverse to the purchasing power $100 represents.This article originally appeared on 08.17.17

He influenced everybody. The post ‘Don’t Let Me Down’: The Beatles song inspired by Jimi Hendrix first appeared on Far Out Magazine.

"I could have left that alone." The post The one song Bob Dylan wants to delete from history: “I shouldn’t have used that” first appeared on Far Out Magazine.

"Solos come and go, riffs last forever." The post Riffs not solos: Unpacking Keith Richards’ guitar philosophy first appeared on Far Out Magazine.

The masters of the heart. The post Bruce Springsteen on the artist who made the best breakup music: “The most beautiful of all” first appeared on Far Out Magazine.

It truly is a dream to hear her voice on a new song days before what would be her birthday.

from The Conservative Treehouse: If you get beyond Laura Ingraham’s severe fan-girling for her “top gov” hero, within this interview segment you will notice that Florida Governor Ron DeSantis says the FBI blocked state investigators from the fence line crime scene. Apparently in Georgia and New York the federal government defers jurisdiction to New York […]